{"id":20,"date":"2004-12-03T14:26:36","date_gmt":"2004-12-03T21:26:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/x.jimanddoni.com\/?p=20"},"modified":"2004-12-03T14:26:36","modified_gmt":"2004-12-03T21:26:36","slug":"why-oh-why-oh-why","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/?p=20","title":{"rendered":"Why oh why oh why…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the last several months, I have been asked repeatedly ???Why don???t you ask WHY????  <\/span>Why infertility?  <\/span>Why the loss of 10 children?  <\/span>Why a baby born at 25 weeks?  <\/span>Why why why why why????<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

I wanted to take a few moments to write about this as it has been on my heart lately.  <\/span>First, it is important to realize that most of my ???web readers??? have only been following our story since January when Ty was born.   <\/span>By the time our little miracle arrived so prematurely, Jim and I had already had several years walking the road of suffering and had learned much on that journey.  <\/span>It no longer occurred to us to ask that question.  <\/span>In the preceding years we had learned that ???Why???? is the wrong question.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

The better question is ???For what purpose????.  <\/span>I learned this from a book I read (Holding on To Hope ??? posted link in the right column).  <\/span>The author had lost two children to genetic disorders and wrote a book on the life of Job.  <\/span>I read this book twice during my many miscarriages.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Throughout the last few years I have learned that the motive of God???s heart is love.  <\/span>When He allows sorrow into my life, that decision was motivated by His love.  <\/span>For those suffering, that statement can sometimes feel appalling.  <\/span>For a mother who has just lost her child, the thought that God called her little one home in an act of great love seems incredibly contradictory and unjust.  <\/span>I cannot explain the ???why???s??? in this equation.  <\/span>I don???t know why God gives permission to some of our pain and calls it good.  <\/span>Often it doesn???t ???feel??? good.  <\/span>I do know that God???s plan was immortality???no death, no sorrow.  <\/span>When sin entered into the equation, sorrow entered also.  <\/span>Sin in our world has consequence and it rains on the just and the unjust alike.  <\/span>I often think that even different than ???For what purpose????, it also would be meaningful and relevant to say ???Why not????.  <\/span>What qualifies me to be a person deserving of less suffering than someone else?   <\/span>This is the proverbial ???Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people????.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

While God???s plan ULTIMATELY does not include suffering (ie. Heaven), suffering is definitely part of His plan right now.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Hebrews  <\/span>5:8-9 say???s (NIV): ???Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.???<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

That verse captured my heart last week!  <\/span>We already know that suffering was part of God???s plan for Jesus.  <\/span>That was very evident.  <\/span>What is awesome to me about that verse is that first, Jesus learned obedience through suffering and suffering perfected the work of God. (Note:  <\/span>This isn???t to say Jesus was made perfect through suffering as if to say he wasn???t already perfect ??? He was.  <\/span>It is saying that God???s plan of salvation was made perfect through suffering.)<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

This then makes suffering an honor for me.  <\/span>God did not spare even His own son from this.  <\/span>I do not question God???s love for Jesus.  <\/span>Did Jesus ask ???Why?????  <\/span>No.  <\/span>He did ask God to remove the suffering though if God???s plan could still be accomplished without it.  <\/span>The answer to Jesus was ???No???.  <\/span>Suffering WAS required for God???s plan to be made perfect.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Do I believe that suffering has helped refine me into a more obedient child of God?  <\/span>Yes.  <\/span>Do I believe that I have matured in Christ BECAUSE of suffering?  <\/span>Yes.  <\/span>Do I believe that suffering is a CRITICAL element in my growth and in refining me into a woman that seeks the heart of God?  <\/span>Oh yes yes yes!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Am I being a martyr here?<\/span>J<\/span><\/span>  <\/span>Nope.  <\/span>I wouldn???t have been brave enough to raise my hand and volunteer I am afraid<\/span>J<\/span><\/span>.  <\/span>Still though, I look back with a grateful heart.  <\/span>Yes even at the death of my babies.   <\/span>I can???t explain entirely why they had to die.  <\/span>I never will.  <\/span>I can say though that by their death I came to a better understanding of God and His goodness and what it meant for me to surrender to His choice.  <\/span>My ???Why???s??? turned into ???For what purpose??? and by the time Ty was born, there was no bitterness or anger left.  <\/span>I had already battled those things with my losses before and God called my heart to submit to Him???submit without knowing the answers.  <\/span>Trusting in what I did not understand and could not see.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

If you have been following my journal long, you already know that I am a pretty black and white chic.  <\/span>When it comes to my relationship with Jesus, I only see two choices.  <\/span>Follow completely or disobey completely.  <\/span>(Of course, I am not perfect in following ??? not even close.  <\/span>I am only speaking to condition of the heart).  <\/span>I remember when I was in Junior High the time came in my life when I had to really choose for myself.  <\/span>Did I believe I had been taught truth?  <\/span>I studied on my own and I read the bible through in its entirety for the first time.  <\/span>During that year I realized that I was not capable of ???halfway??? behavior.  <\/span>It would be all or nothing.  <\/span>If it was going to be ???all??? than there would never be any turning back.  <\/span>Ultimately, I choose ???all???.  <\/span>I have never gone back and I never will.  <\/span>I have banked it all on the truth written in His word.  <\/span>I have chosen to believe even when I don???t understand.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

At this point in my life, it doesn???t really ???matter??? if I ???get it??? or I don???t.  <\/span>It doesn???t change truth.  <\/span>God is good.  <\/span>God???s motive is love.  <\/span>God is using suffering to perfect me into an image of Christ.  <\/span>He is allowing suffering to teach me obedience.  <\/span>I choose to accept that even though often times I can???t say I enjoy it one bit<\/span>J<\/span><\/span>.   <\/span>I am learning to consider it a great honor though.  <\/span>During times of suffering I have an unparalleled opportunity to say to the King of my salvation, ???I will choose you though you slay me???.   <\/span>It doesn???t have the same level of sincerity to say this to Daddy God from a place of joy and blessing.  <\/span>When we have the opportunity to say it during the low points of life???that is when the gift of our belief is the most sincere.  <\/span>If I have banked my whole life upon these truths, doesn???t it only make sense that I would consider it a privilege to give this gift of belief?<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Jesus sweat blood in the garden.  <\/span>I think that tells us that he was not real excited about suffering either.  <\/span>Still He obeyed and submitted his life.  <\/span>The cost was great.  <\/span>He was the only one that could have made a way for us to enter heaven though.  <\/span>Scripture is very clear on that.  <\/span>(I will write more on that topic this month).  <\/span>The greatest gifts ever given to me came at a great price.  <\/span>First and greatest, my salvation???.Christ bought me with His life.  <\/span>Second, my children.  <\/span>Two other families gave incredible gifts of love to us (Tanner and Ty) at GREAT  <\/span>GREAT cost to themselves.  <\/span>Having been on the receiving end of the price of suffering, having received the incredible gifts that suffering purchased, I see suffering differently.  <\/span>The price of suffering contributes exponentially to the beauty of the gift.   <\/span>For this reason, I do not want to ask ???why????.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Wrap your heart around the ???truth??? of suffering this Christmas season.  <\/span>You will see Jesus with brand new eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the last several months, I have been asked repeatedly ???Why don???t you ask WHY????  Why infertility?  Why the loss of 10 children?  Why a baby born at 25 weeks?  Why why why why why???? I wanted to take a few moments to write about this as it has been on my heart lately.  First, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mamas-diaries"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimanddoni.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}