Archive for May, 2008

Jesus Come Quickly

May 28, 2008

Crying my eyes out AGAIN.

Last week my heart was so heavy for the Chapman’s…today another family.

For years Jim and I have considered Selah one of our absolute favorite groups.  I have missed Nicole but I love Amy Perry too.  Todd Smith has such an incredible voice – Jim and I both agree he is our favorite male vocalist.

Anyhow, earlier this year Todd and Angie found out that their fourth child was not likely to survive to birth.  To their surprise, they got to hold their baby girl for two precious hours before she went home to Jesus on April 7th.

This week, Nicole (who is Todd’s sister by the way) lost her 2 month old little boy Luke to what I am assuming is SIDS.  Two infants – little cousins – gone to heaven within a couple months of one another.

Angie wrote a song (will appear on their next album) sung by Amy Perry that is incredible but if you watch it be prepared to cry cry cry. 

I told my mom today that, selfishly, in these moments my grief over losing 10 babies resurfaces.  All those little ones that I carried for such a short time and lost before I could hold them.  I think mine had red hair too.

Here is the song by Angie:



(Picture taken outside Papa’s feed barn).

What did Tanner get for his birthday you ask?  A quad (surprised Daddy waited until seven), helmet, gloves, Spiderman T Shirt, Frog Game, Indiana Jones Lego Xbox game, water guns, chalk sidewalk set, two watches, army guys, hulk hands, Angel Wars episodes 2 and 3, rope for catching critters, and Walmart Gift Card.

Tanner Quote this week:  “Mommy why does everyone love Tori and everyone love your three kids?”  LOL.  Feeling a bit secure today are we?  Love it.


Ty was misbehaving in Walmart last week and I was about to come unglued.  He couldn’t stop touching things.  I warned him I don’t know how many times and made every conceivable threat I could imagine.  It was to no avail.  When we got in the line to pay, he decided it was high time to negotiate the charges, plead the 5th, or just flat out beg for mercy.  I was in no mood.  I had to turn my head to giggle though when he said this:  “Mommy can’t I just have a lot more warnings.”  – Oh buddy – apparently you need A LOT more warnings because one sure as heck didn’t do the trick today!  Good grief.

On this same day, we were in the mall (this was earlier), and we were seated next to four elderly people in the food court.  They started oooohing and awwwing over Tori and insisting I needed to go into business making baby wraps.  Ty, hearing our conversation, got up from his lunch, walked over to their table, threw his arms around one of the gentlemen and said “I am Ty what is your name?”  I really need to take my kids to a retirement center – everyone would benefit.  Ty has been hugging strangers in the mall since he could walk.


Can you believe Aunt Heidi made EVERYTHING that Tori has on?  The dress, the hat, the blanket, AND the shoes!  Years ago I volunteered one day a week at a Crisis Pregnancy Counselor.  It was really hard disclosing the good (or not) news about pregnancy to young teenagers before I had ever seen my own positive test.  We would always give out these little care packages and one of the care packages had those precious white sandals.  I loved them so much.  Before I quit volunteering (had to when I was pregnant with Tanner because I had such severe hyperemesis), I asked for a pair.  I then sent them to Heidi and said “Make me these!”  – she did it!!!!!  Gorgeous aren’t they?  (Well scroll down to where you can see her feet and then you’ll agree with me).  🙂  Note to Heidi – this is the pink cast picture I sent you – I fixed it pretty good huh?

The top picture captured her eyes so beautifully I had to crop in.  Can you see her nursery reflected in her eyes?  Those eyes melt me.

I’ll have to post a closer up picture of the shoes later.  I have more pictures in both series (Cowboy and Lil Lady) to post but I am busy this week so they’ll have to wait until next.


Tori is eating 4 ounces now and sometimes goes 3 hours.  Wooohooo.  We went out to Table Mesa last weekend so Tanner could ride his quad and Tanner asked me if I was going to let her toes touch the sand because “Tori has never felt sand before”.  🙂

Tori started her first giggle on May 15th but we still haven’t gotten a full belly giggle out of her yet.  She is trying though.


And my contribution for the day…

Have you been to Pacugio’s yet?  Oh my gosh they are so good!  They are a gelatto place right across from the new Harkins on Happy Valley.  I have had gelatto in restaurants and thought it just tasted like ice cream – wasn’t overly impressed but Pacugio’s (or as Jim say’s “Gelappi’s” – where did he get that?) – is GREAT.  You can have up to 3 flavors in a small and you need those choices because how could you ever pick just one of their flavors?  My favorites so far are :German Chocolate Cake, Chocolate Chip Amaretto, Chocolate Turtle, Green Tea, Bailey’s and Coconut.  Tanner likes Chocolate Chocolate Chip and Cookies and Milk.  Ty likes all the chocolates and Strawberry Milk.  Jim likes Wedding Cake and the chocolates.  They also have, if you can believe, a black pepper olive oil.  I had to taste a sample and it was very good.  Very spicy.  My mom and Jim both liked it too.  They also have pistachio, green tea, black cherry swirl, cheescake, lemon, and more that I can’t remember off the top of my head.  They will infuse their coffees with any gelatto flavor as well.  Head on over there and kill me later for telling you about it.  Kristi?  🙂

Did You Know?

May 26, 2008

Lately Tanner has made a habit of starting sentences off with “Mommy did you know…”.  Each time he begins dialog that way, I anxiously await his little revelations.  Most of the time they are 25% true and 75% made up.  His statements often start out with some truth but then have a lot of “Tanner” hyperbole thrown in.  Example:  “Mommy did you know that a male black widow spider is smaller than the female (true) and is the most venomous spider in the whole entire world (not true)?”  🙂

(Totally in love with above picture – THAT is my boy)

Mommy did you know that Xbox will get rid of the hiccups?”  (Hmmmm…me thinks he had an agenda with that one).

Mommy did you know that your face matches Tori’s”?

Mommy did you know that when you get a cavity the dentist puts Kings in your mouth?” (You mean crowns?  LOL)

And my favorite….

Mommy did you know that when I was a little kid I grew up faster than other kids?  But now that I am a big kid I am growing up slow and you have to wait a long time for your birthdays when your bigger.  Did you know that?”  (Frankly my dear son, I am having the opposite experience LOL). 

Dear Tanner

May 26, 2008

(Post written for Tanner’s birthday, Thursday May 22nd.  These pictures taken at Papa and Sweetie’s on Friday.  Lots more to come this week).

To my dear son on his seventh birthday,

Seven years ago my grandest dream became reality.  You made me a mommy.  I knew motherhood would suit me – that it would fill the deepest longing of my heart but I could never have imagined the depth of love I would feel for you.   As I told you this morning, I didn’t lay you down – not even to sleep for your first three weeks of life.  I slept in a chair at night so that I could hold you even when we slept.  I feel in a conundrum this evening.  Part of me is desperate to turn the hands of time back.  Part of me relishes in watching you become the man God created you to be.  When we walked through the toy story yesterday and you told me that all the toys were now too little for you I wanted to cry.  How did we get through the toy stage in only 7 short years?  No one told me this would happen so soon and I was completely unprepared for it.

You have matured so much this year…especially in the last few months.  You are a wonderful big brother and I am so proud of the example that you set for both of your siblings.  Your character looks more and more like a reflection of Jesus all the time.  You have such a tender conscience and you yearn to “do right”.  Your giggle is infectious and when you grin at me it sets my heart aflame.  I love the way you say “Mommy did you know…” every time you want to tell me about some new thing you have learned.  You are very introspective like Daddy and you take time to consider your decisions and choices. 

I see you putting on the mantle of manhood each time I watch you face a new challenge and make a conscious and obvious choice to face it with courage.  I marvel at the fact that I trust a seven year old with so much that is precious to me – including and especially Tori and Ty.  You have been such a help to me since Tori has been born and she and I both appreciate it.  You will be her hero you know.  Ty’s too. 

I love to watch you with Tori.   You are so loving and nurturing.  She has brought out the very best in you and what a privilege that has been for me to get to watch.  What a wonderful daddy you will make some day. 

Did you know that I look forward to spending my days with you (and Ty and Tori too)?  I wake up in the mornings and smile and I thank God for my life.  I thank Him for making choices in my life that have enabled me to be your full time caregiver at home.  To be allowed the privilege of being with you all day is something I will forever be grateful for.  I love the time we spend in school together because it gives me a chance to spend individual time with you.  To watch you grow and learn and discover new things.  To watch you travail and triumph…stumble then succeed…be humbled then proud….what a gift that is for me.

Sometimes when I look at you I imagine what kind of man you are going to be…then I smile because I am proud already – I have such confidence in you.  I hope that Daddy and I always make wise and discerning choices in your life and do our best to demonstrate love without condition.  We are praying and asking God to help us with that because we love you so much and to the best of our ability, want to do right by you and for you. 

Tanner, more than anything, I have loved watching you grow in the Lord this year.  Your questions about your faith and your love for God’s word inspire me.  I will never grow tired of hearing you quote Isaiah 41:10.  You are also developing a love for worship and I pray that you will always feel a deep innate need to be in worship.  We worship God everyday…by how we live.  Your life looks more and more lovely to me each passing day.  I hope that we will teach you to be a giver because you have much to offer the world.   Papa has always taught us that life is ministry and I hope that Daddy and I can instill that in your heart.  I pray that we fill up your love tank to the brim so that all that love poured into your life will be spilled out and overflowing on other people as you grow.  That is one way that I can be a missionary from my home.  Raising up a generation that returns to Christ.  That is one of the most significant life goals a mom could aim for and you help motivate me to press on toward my calling every day.

Today you reached for my hand in the parking lot and gently held it all the way to the car.  You still call me mommy and I love that.  Those are two gifts that I will not have much longer.

I rarely read to you what I have written about you or for you in my blog diaries but this time I am going to read this now instead of waiting until you are older.  This week has reminded me that life is short and we can never know how many days our God will give us to live out His dream for our life.  I don’t want this moment to pass without again telling you that I love you with everything in me. 

Love Mommy

(You grinned at me hearing this whole letter.  Not sure how much you took in at seven but you liked hearing it).


May 22, 2008