(Post written for Tanner’s birthday, Thursday May 22nd.?? These pictures taken at Papa and Sweetie’s on Friday.?? Lots more to come this week).

To my dear son on his seventh birthday,

Seven years ago my grandest dream became reality.?? You made me a mommy.?? I knew motherhood would suit me – that it would fill the deepest longing of my heart but I could never have imagined the depth of love I would feel for you.???? As I told you this morning, I didn’t lay you down – not even to sleep for your first three weeks of life.?? I slept in a chair at night so that I could hold you even when we slept.?? I feel in a conundrum this evening.?? Part of me is desperate to turn the hands of time back.?? Part of me relishes in watching you become the man God created you to be.?? When we walked through the toy story yesterday and you told me that all the toys were now too little for you I wanted to cry.?? How did we get through the toy stage in only 7 short years??? No one told me this would happen so soon and I was completely unprepared for it.

You have matured so much this year…especially in the last few months.?? You are a wonderful big brother and I am so proud of the example that you set for both of your siblings.?? Your character looks more and more like a reflection of Jesus all the time.?? You have such a tender conscience and you yearn to “do right”.?? Your giggle is infectious and when you grin at me it sets my heart aflame.?? I love the way you say “Mommy did you know…” every time you want to tell me about some new thing you have learned.?? You are very introspective like Daddy and you take time to consider your decisions and choices.??

I see you putting on the mantle of manhood each time I watch you face a new challenge and make a conscious and obvious choice to face it with courage.?? I marvel at the fact that I trust a seven year old with so much that is precious to me – including and especially Tori and Ty.?? You have been such a help to me since Tori has been born and she and I both appreciate it.?? You will be her hero you know.?? Ty’s too.??

I love to watch you with Tori.???? You are so loving and nurturing.?? She has brought out the very best in you and what a privilege that has been for me to get to watch.?? What a wonderful daddy you will make some day.??

Did you know that I look forward to spending my days with you (and Ty and Tori too)??? I wake up in the mornings and smile and I thank God for my life.?? I thank Him for making choices in my life that have enabled me to be your full time caregiver at home.?? To be allowed the privilege of being with you all day is something I will forever be grateful for.?? I love the time we spend in school together because it gives me a chance to spend individual time with you.?? To watch you grow and learn and discover new things.?? To watch you travail and triumph…stumble then succeed…be humbled then proud….what a gift that is for me.

Sometimes when I look at you I imagine what kind of man you are going to be…then I smile because I am proud already – I have such confidence in you.?? I hope that Daddy and I always make wise and discerning choices in your life and do our best to demonstrate love without condition.?? We are praying and asking God to help us with that because we love you so much and to the best of our ability, want to do right by you and for you.??

Tanner, more than anything, I have loved watching you grow in the Lord this year.?? Your questions about your faith and your love for God’s word inspire me.?? I will never grow tired of hearing you quote Isaiah 41:10.?? You are also developing a love for worship and I pray that you will always feel a deep innate need to be in worship.?? We worship God everyday…by how we live.?? Your life looks more and more lovely to me each passing day.?? I hope that we will teach you to be a giver because you have much to offer the world.???? Papa has always taught us that life is ministry and I hope that Daddy and I can instill that in your heart.?? I pray that we fill up your love tank to the brim so that all that love poured into your life will be spilled out and overflowing on other people as you grow.?? That is one way that I can be a missionary from my home.?? Raising up a generation that returns to Christ.?? That is one of the most significant life goals a mom could aim for and you help motivate me to press on toward my calling every day.

Today you reached for my hand in the parking lot and gently held it all the way to the car.?? You still call me mommy and I love that.?? Those are two gifts that I will not have much longer.

I rarely read to you what I have written about you or for you in my blog diaries but this time I am going to read this now instead of waiting until you are older.?? This week has reminded me that life is short and we can never know how many days our God will give us to live out His dream for our life.?? I don’t want this moment to pass without again telling you that I love you with everything in me.??

Love Mommy

(You grinned at me hearing this whole letter.?? Not sure how much you took in at seven but you liked hearing it).