Life is such a journey through the hills and valley???s isn???t it??? I have felt in the valley lately.?? Not for the big landmark reasons that I have faced in the past.?? More because, the little drops of rain that fall can still form puddles in the low areas.?? Know what I mean??? Parenting challenges, FMS/CFS flare ups, and very long discussions with God over who I am and who He is have resulted in many quiet and somber days for me the last couple of months.?? I would put more words to those inner conversations I am having but they aren???t there.???? In fact, many days I am pleading with God to hear the prayers that I can???t formulate right now.???? He knows the root of my brokenness ??? all those things in my spirit I can’t give definition to.???? I have a sense of the winds of change coming???this storm has been brewing for about 18 months and month by month I find myself different.?? Good different but also working through some sadness.???? This morning there was a link on a photog blog to another blog of a local artist.?? CJ and his wife lost a baby in March of this year but this week they are celebrating because God is bringing them their second child ???not of their womb this time.?? CJ is (I think) a worship leader at a church in Gilbert, AZ.?? Anyhow, he posted a song that he wrote on his blog and I have listened to it about 15 times already.?? It???s called Peace Around the Corner.?? Sometimes you hear something that just soothes your soul.?? For me, this song is giving breath to hope in my soul and I can???t quit hitting the refresh button.

So many others in my life are hurting today.?? The future they saw is crumbling.?? Faces of brokenhearted family and friends all swimming before my eyes as I listen to this.?? Wanting HIS peace???HIS plan???HIS story???HIS song???that really is all we wanted isn???t it??? He is still working this out.?? Your story and mine.?? We don???t really need a fix of circumstances here ??? though that would be nice.???? We need to see the giant living reminder that this is not our home.???? I love the line that says ???what He did will change us all???.?? If what He did isn???t changing us???then we don???t know Him.?? Change is painful.?? This process of shedding ???me??? can be excruciating.?? Some days I can???t tolerate one more second of self.?? Some days I can???t tolerate one more second of you (just being honest here).?? I mean this in a collective ???you??? sense ??? not a personal one.?? I look in familiar Christian circles and am wanting to plug my ears and hum.?? So much that I don???t want to hear right now because it isn???t real to me.?? Tired of fruitless theological debates and the arrogance that comes with them, tired of judgment and critical spirits (mine included), tired of the ???God talk??? that isn???t rooted in love, tired of the institutionalism, tired of the platitudes ??? things delivered that aren???t soul deep, sick to death of anything that smacks even remotely of ???religion???.?????????? Dad told me this morning (and actually blogged about this) that part of our maturity is growing into a place where we can be at peace everywhere because the security we have in our relationship with Father grants us freedom to live and move and breathe and love.?? We aren???t controlled by fear or a sense of ???rightness???.?? We can love and live and as we move in closer harmony with him???we are changed but it???s the kind of change that makes us more loving, more compassionate, more merciful.?? Not more ???right??? and then more critical.?? So I am not there yet (clearly).?? I move out of the ???right??? camp and then get stuck with aggravation at the Pharisidical tendencies still in me ??? still in you.?? I don???t want a camp switch ??? I want to be free of all it.?? I want to be over it.?? I want to move on peacefully.?? I want my life to look more like Jesus and less like me and more and more that picture takes different shape than I once thought.?? I want Him.?? I want Him desperately but the battle in me???it???s still raging on.?? The peace I am looking for???it???s not present???yet.?? I do feel like it???s just around the corner though.?? Like I am heading in the direction of embracing it but this stretch I am on now has been one of the more painful journeys of my spiritual life.???? Probably not making a bit of sense to you but I haven???t written honestly for quite some time and today I felt the need to express it.?? I am hurting.?? I know you???re hurting.?? I wish it wasn???t this way but I hope that one by one we all decide to trade our peace for another ??? His.?? That it becomes real to us in ways it never has before.?? That we cry over our hurts ??? what He is doing ??? and then we let Him change us ??? deeply.?? We walk through these places where the light is dim and we come out with His light shining.?? Peace, joy and hope erupting out of all these broken spots.?? ???The Church??? isn???t a building.?? It is His people.?? What if we weren???t just another ???club??? that the wounded couldn???t join but we were a moving body that He was using to bind up the wounded and shower His love on??? Wouldn???t that be something??? For Him to just start pouring out of all these life cracks??? For us to be willing to trade our futures for the peace that comes when we REALLY trust that He is working???moving???loving???taking away so that He can replace???breaking down so He can build up???allowing our mourning so HE can turn it into dancing.?? Do we believe it??? At the end of all these days???we will see his face.?? Why wait to run home until then??? I can???t say I am running yet???I have to be honest with you???but my pace is picking up.?? He is calling and I hear Him.?? He???ll always be my ???favorite thing to cry over??? because at the end of it all, He stores up my tears in a bottle and heals me.?? I can hear Peace around the corner???.

Peace Around the Corner
www.cjbergmenmusic.com
Lyrics

I can hear Peace around the corner
Playing our favorite song
He???s a Giant Living reminder
This is not our home for very long

You can take my heart and all I dreamed of
You can have the future that I saw
Cause I would trade my Peace for another
This is what I wanted after all

After all is said and done
I???d trade His life for yours
I would take just one
And after these days fade away I???ll see Your face
I will run home

He???s our favorite thing to cry over
What He did will change us all
And it???s the pain we just can???t stop
That???s moving us along

After all is said and done
I???d trade His life for yours
I would take just one
And after these days fade away I???ll see your face
I will run home

I can hear Peace around the corner
Playing our favorite song

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxfLi5p9_ZQ