If you have been reading my blog for any length of time (or you know Ty personally), you know that Ty is H A P P Y!? Before I dig into this realm I must say that this is a BLESSING and not a curse (even though you would be surprised at the trouble it actually can create at times).?? We have been in awe of Ty?s perpetual happiness since he was a baby.

 

He wakes up happy and he goes to bed happy and happiness fills in all the in between times and it makes him one of the most delightful children in the world to be around.? As wonderful as this particular attribute is, eventually one must notice that Ty simply doesn?t display many other emotions.? He will get angry or sad sometimes but the emotion lasts for seconds (literally seconds).? If he is truly sad about something, it will break your heart because (a) it is very rare (b) you can talk him out of it quickly and (c) the depths of sadness in his eyes breaks your heart.?? Not many people have witnessed it but those that have agree with me on this ? seeing Ty sad for even moments is one of the saddest things you have ever seen.

 

So I don?t think that he literally can?t get angry or can?t get sad or can?t feel any other emotion.? I think it is that because Ty perceives things differently, it simply doesn?t happen very often and he doesn?t have the ability to center on the ?feeling? for long enough to emote about it for more than a few seconds.?? I also think that most of the times that you see other emotions in Ty (particularly anger) ? he is imitating the emotion of anger rather than a natural display of it because there is a deliberate and observable attempt at it.? I will watch him think about it.? Cross arms.? Huff.? Narrow eyes.? He puts on this very false demeanor as though he learned it (and he did).? And then he can only carry that on for a short moment.

 

Examples:

1. Tanner came in last night and told Jim and I that Ty gave him a mean look when he asked him if he could play Xbox.? I laughed at that and Jim and I both agreed that would be interesting so we invited Ty to come demonstrate.? I told him what Tanner said and asked if he could give that look to Tanner again because I was curious about it.? He went through a string of faces trying to remember it and eventually Tanner says ?YEAH!? THAT look!?.? Jim and I busted up laughing.? It was quite obviously a manufactured mad look that was more funny mad than angry mad.
2. Ty will get impulsively angry (mostly at Tanner).? If he gets his button pushed enough times he will go at it aggressively eventually (and most of the time Tanner has it coming because he has been aggravating him).? From our observations, Ty?s face doesn?t usually give it away ? not before or during the little attack.? He looks to be impassive.? I am not saying that he isn?t angry when he is doing it exactly ? but it?s more of an impulse to stop what is happening (or retrieve something that was taken) than it is actual anger.
3. If Ty is upset about something and he comes to tell you about it, you can distract him away from it by starting another conversation and he will switch back to happy in record time.

 

Why would perpetual happiness be a bad thing at times??? Because when you need to convey something of importance or need to discipline, you never get the feeling that Ty is taking you seriously or that his consequences had any emotional affect.

 

Jim and I are convinced that if someone was to tie our son to a tree in the backyard, deprive him of food and water for a day and set an ant hill at his feet, he would still say ?Can I go and can I have a cookie now?? when you went out to see him ? even if it were hours later.?? This is both frustrating and heartbreaking.? Jim and I truly get to our wits end when it comes to discipline because he never gives us the emotional response that we (as emoters) are expecting to get.? If you put him in time out for five minutes or an hour, he will greet you the same.? He will sit on his bed and shake his head back and forth (his predominant tic) and just be happy to see you whenever you show up to release him from confinement.? If you take something away from him, he will of course request it back over the course of time, but he won?t show any emotion over the fact that it is out of his possession.? I think that is in part because he doesn?t have a concept of time.? Pray for Jim and I in this area ? this is really really a hard one.?? I think the question this begs is ?regardless of whether he shows emotion or not, does the behavior change???? That is a tough one to answer because typically what Ty gets disciplined over were things that were not especially defiant (he isn?t defiant) ? but repetition of breaking the same rules over and over.? I am convinced this is a part of his low impulse control and OCD but at the end of the day, as parents, we still have to do our best to help him control his impulses and we can?t just allow it so we get in quite a quandary over this one.

 

On a lighter note, I was giggling at Tori recently because she tripped in public and when she stood up, she met the eyes of the strangers watching her and then slowly started a little Queen wave to everyone.? It was so funny to watch how she managed an ?embarrassing? moment at 3.? Clearly she recognized it.? I don?t think Ty would ever do that.? He isn?t socially conscious therefore he wouldn?t likely ?feel? embarrassed.

 

 

How Can You Help?

If you have to talk to Ty about something important, be mindful of the above.? He is not going to give you the response you expect ? so expect that.??? Imagine what it is like when you discipline a puppy, how they don?t often emote in a way that gives you a sense of satisfaction that you conveyed your message.? Very similar.? What I find people doing (and Jim and I have been through this and I hate it), is having the tendency to get harder and harder and harder on Ty because you feel disrespected and ignored when he is smiling or doesn?t appear in any way affected by anything you said.?? I worry that Ty could be easily abused by other people because in an effort to get some type of reaction from him, human nature tends to keep stepping up the consequence.? It isn?t fair to Ty.? We (and again, that includes Jim and I), have to learn that Ty does not have the ability to give us the social/emotional response we expect and if we insist upon keeping at our agenda until he demonstrates some emotional response that indicates to us that we ?got through? ? we will not only be waiting until Kingdom come but Ty will have been treated cruelly as well.

 

Most people reading this would never have reason to correct Ty but for the sake of my family who does encounter these situations from time to time, it is important that everyone inspect their expectations and know what Ty can emotionally give you and what he cannot.