As I have read back through several of these postings, I have realized that I have used the same phrase several times without explaining it.? ?Ty will never understand social awareness intrinsically ? he will have to learn it?.

 

One should never say ?never? so that could be better stated but I wrote it this way because I am making a point.? A point that has taken me a long time to understand and one that will be difficult for me to convey but I think it is important so I will attempt it.

 

A few weeks ago Jim asked me why I was having such a hard time embracing things that I already knew ? had known for many years.? What we have observed in our son is not new information so why the anxiety now?

 

My reason is because observing and understanding is not the same thing.? Based on my observations, any number of possibilities existed.? Maybe Ty did such and such because he is still only 7.? Maybe it is immaturity.? Maybe he will socially mature.? Maybe he appears to do/think/feel different things but in reality, I am misreading the situation.?? I could make the observations but because the ?why? was a mystery ? the ability to predict an outcome based on the observation was a mystery as well.

 

As I researched Autism Spectum Disorders, it became obvious to me that much of what I could not connect the dots about in regards to social situations, were all part of? social developmental disabilities related to ASDs.

 

Briefly, I will give a little background on just two different social areas that I see affecting Ty.? The first is called Theory of Mind (or ToM).?? Here is what Wikipedia has to say about Theory of Mind:

 

Theory of mind is a theory insofar as the mind is not directly observable.^[1] The presumption that others have a mind is termed a theory of mind because each human can only intuit the existence of his or her own mind through introspection, and no one has direct access to the mind of another. It is typically assumed that others have minds by analogy with one’s own, and based on the reciprocal nature of social interaction, as observed in joint attention,^[2] the functional use of language,^[3] and understanding of others’ emotions and actions.^[4] Having a theory of mind allows one to attribute thoughts, desires, and intentions to others, to predict or explain their actions, and to posit their intentions. As originally defined, it enables one to understand that mental states can be the cause of?and thus be used to explain and predict?others? behavior.^[1] Being able to attribute mental states to others and understanding them as causes of behavior implies, in part, that one must be able to conceive of the mind as a ?generator of representations?.^[5][6] If a person does not have a complete theory of mind it may be a sign of cognitive or developmental impairment.

Theory of mind appears to be an innate potential ability in humans, but one requiring social and other experience over many years to bring to fruition. Different people may develop more, or less, effective theories of mind. Empathy is a related concept, meaning experientially recognizing and understanding the states of mind, including beliefs, desires and particularly emotions of others, often characterized as the ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes.” Theorizing in the neo-Piagetian theories of cognitive development maintains that theory of mind is a byproduct of a broader hypercognitive ability of the human mind to register, monitor, and represent its own functioning.^[7]

So what does that mean?? It probably makes more sense to me because I am dealing with the consequences of my child having impaired Theory of Mind.?? I would summarize it this way:

 

One of the amazing things that we humans can do is predict the thoughts, emotions, intent, of another person by relating.? We learn to understand how we feel and we mature into a place of transitioning that knowledge to an understanding of how others feel.?? When a person does not have a complete theory of mind, they don?t have the innate ability to relate the way others do.? As a result, they struggle to empathize.? You would be surprised at how necessary the art of empathy is.? It goes beyond ?feeling sad for someone because you know something sad happened to them and that has happened to you before too so you can relate to how they feel?.? That is just the basic form of empathy.?? Empathy plays out in much larger ways than that in our daily lives.??? Most people learn to socialize using empathy as the intrinsic key.? For example,? I realize that I can?t monopolize conversations with photography with my non photog friends because that would bore them to pieces and wouldn?t be a loving thing to do to them.? It would be me monopolizing the conversation with something they weren?t even interested in.?? I bet I could sit here and think of 100 others examples.?? Why do I share with others?? How do I choose gifts??? Why and how do I apologize??? What things do I do (or NOT do) as a gesture of love towards another?? What questions do I ask another person to help them feel validated and value?? How do I show interest in what they are and what they do?? I have the ability to project and perceive what they may want because I have the ability to relate the way I feel to what another person may want or may feel.

 

Imagine having an impaired ability to do that.? Can you even imagine how difficult it would make your attempts to invest in a friendship if you didn?t know what another person wanted from you and you couldn?t imagine it or use your own experience to relate it??? Your heart may be very invested in the outcome of a friendship but your ability to ?do unto others as you would like done until you? is extremely limited ? thus so are your social interactions.

 

Another area of social impairment that I see (and have written about) with Ty is what is termed as a Non Verbal Learning Disorder.

 

Wikipedia defines NVD like this:

 

Nonverbal learning disorder or nonverbal learning disability (NLD or NVLD) is a condition characterized by a significant discrepancy between high verbal and lower performance scores on an IQ test, with deficits in motor, visual-spatial, and social skills.^[1] Some proponents of the category believe that this discrepancy is attributable to dysfunction in the right cerebral hemisphere.^[1][2]

NLD involves deficits in perception, coordination, socialisation, non-verbal problem-solving and understanding of humour, along with well-developed rote memory.^[3] As most people with Asperger syndrome (AS) fit the criteria for NLD, a diagnosis of AS is often preferred.^[3] In this instance, some researchers assert that an AS diagnosis is more clinically useful than an NLD diagnosis, and argue that NLD would be an example of excessive diagnostic splitting. However, NLD can also occur with other disorders. However, like Asperger syndrome, NLD exists on a spectrum, and those affected can experience it in a range of ways. Those with an NLD diagnosis can experience some or all of the symptoms, and to varying degrees. Ongoing debate surrounds the relationship between Asperger syndrome and NLD, as research on the condition is ongoing and procedures can differ from AS research.^[3]

 

I would say that Ty fits this description very well and though I have not sought professional validation, I feel it very likely that Ty does have NVD.??? A couple of years ago, I really knee jerked against this because I was quick to say ?but Ty is SO social? ? how could he possibly have a nonverbal disability?? He is VERY verbal.?? As you can see from the above though, I was way off base with what I thought a nonverbal learning disorder actually is.?? In fact, people with NLD ARE strong in verbal communication BECAUSE they are so weak in the NON verbal skills.? The issue is what they cannot say (or perceive).? I like some other things that Wikipedia had to say about this so I will share more.

 

Non-verbal communication

People with this disability may misunderstand non-verbal communications, or they may understand the communications but be unable to formulate an appropriate response. This can make establishing and maintaining social contacts difficult. Eye contact can also be difficult for people with NLD, either because they are uncomfortable with maintaining it or because they do not remember that others expect it. Similarly, knowing when and how to use physical contact and recognizing emotions in others and expressing them for oneself can be problematic.

Verbal communication

People with NLD will often tend to lapse into “cocktail-speech,” talking too much and too quickly. People with NLD have strong verbal communication skills and must often rely on verbal communication as their main method of gathering information. Trying to process too many non-verbal stimuli can confuse them.

Numerical and spatial awareness

Arithmetic and mathematics can be very difficult for people with NLD, and they often have problems with spatial awareness. Problematic areas may include:

• Recognizing faces
• Paying attention in noisy environments
• Navigation
• In mathematics: the confusion of X-axis and Y-axis
• Remembering the names and locations of places
• Map reading, or plotting or remembering routes. People with NLD are often best-served by giving landmarks along with repeated directions.
• Estimating the speed of cars while crossing the road

Motor

People with NLD often have motor difficulties. This can manifest in their walking and running, which are sometimes stiff, or in difficulty balancing. They may also be more likely to run into things, due to judging distances poorly. Fine motor skills can also develop abnormally, causing difficulty with writing, drawing, and tying shoelaces. NLD sufferers are often labeled as “clumsy” or “stiff”.

Anxiety

People with NLD, more than many others, fear failure. They may feel that they have to do too much at once, and then do not know where to start. This allows them to stagnate, and then do nothing. Sometimes they try to multitask and again end up doing nothing, which can lead to frustration. They may experience the world around them as a chaos, the actions that they must perform well and quickly creating a sense of helplessness. Clumsiness in performing tasks may be criticized by teachers or in the workplace, causing further fear of failure.

 

Thankfully, I don?t see symptoms of anxiety but I would like to think that is in part to environment.? Ty is being raised by a family who adores him and a very loving community so he hasn?t had to face much criticism or bullying.

 

That?s enough for today but I will pick this back up in the next post.