Do you count yourself as one who will lovingly and with courage stand up in defense of the “least of these”? If so, I am going to give you an opportunity to “stand up”.
When I was training to be a crisis pregnancy counselor, one principle took root in my heart. I was taught that if you love preborns and want to help them, then you must love mommies as well. In my experience, I often see people talk about the horrors of abortion and the beauty of adoption but than they turn around and lobby intense critisism at birth mothers. This is heart breaking to me.
This week, Amanda posted a comment on my “Lil Bit Country…” posting. Within her comment she said “…I tell my friends all the time about what happened in my case and they do not see the good in it, but I do. I know that Jim and Doni were the right ones to raise Ty,… “.
I don’t think people realize how much social pressure birthmothers have to confront. Our culture is very anti-adoption. Birthmothers are often victims to some of the cruelest comments imaginable. Why is this? Imagine it….the family that gets the entire BLESSING of baby is praised…the family that sacrifices out of love is scorned. That is absolutely tragic irony!
Jamie (an adoptee) and Amanda (Ty’s birthmom) have both talked to me about the hurtful things that have been said to them. Jamie has been told that adopted children were babies that no one wanted and they should have just been aborted. Jamie was told by a teacher this year that “adoption is wrong” (yes she is Pro Choice). Amanda has been told that she should have aborted Ty. She has been told that Ty was “her problem” and that she “passed her problem” onto someone else. (You can imagine what I think about THAT!) She has continually had to defend herself in regards to “how she could have given her baby away”. When I hear these things, they make me ache inside. How I wish that I could stand in front of these girls and let people know that before they open their mouth, they will have to get through me first and I am quite a force to be reckoned with on this subject.
I can’t protect them from this though. The world is cruel and I am not surprised that those that should be honored are beaten down. There is one little thing that I can do though. My circle of precious family and friends are ready willing and anxious to stand behind Amanda and other women who have made a courageous choice for adoption. I know that many of them would be willing to take a stand against these abuses and rally with support. If we as a culture do not stand up and defend life and love, we must own the consequences for our apathy. When we rally in love behind women who are faced with such a heart wrenching decision, we are contributing to building a new culture that embraces life.
Friends? Hear me calling to you? If you feel moved to write your own little note of affirmation to Amanda, please post your comment to Amanda on this posting. If you are a family member or friend who realizes the blessing of Ty in your own life, take a moment to let her know how her love has blessed us all. While we cannot take away the hurtful things said, we can reach out with love across the miles to honor someone who made a life altering choice out of love for someone else. Thank you for loving “our” Amanda and all the other birthmothers who frequent this site. They need our love, support, admiration, and affirmation. Will you help me love them?
Dear Amanda,
I know that reading these postings is hard some days and that you only “pop in” once in awhile…but since you’ve been making your presence known this week LOL…I thought I would write a little note to you:)
Someday I would love it if you would write out YOUR story for me to post. I think it is awesome for people to get to hear both of our hearts on this subject. I know it would be a very emotional story and difficult to write…especially now while you are grieving. There is so much beauty in it though. As much as we hate for you to suffer, we know that a person can’t make a sacrifice so huge without suffering. Great love and great sacrifice always go hand in hand. My parents always taught us that love is doing the best for someone else IRREGARDLESS of the cost to yourself. I think your example of love is one of the most profound most people would ever witness. You might just change the world more than you think:).
In reading your comments on the “Lil Bit Country…” posting (and from talking to your mom), I realize that you have had to deal with tremendous pressure and hurtful comments from other people lately. The protector in me wants to go find these people and give them a good shaking! For fear of my temper getting the best of me, I’ll just leave it at that for the moment (but believe me I have a TON of things to say on THIS subject).
HOWEVER, there is a little something I can do to counter the hurtful things that have been said in regards to adoption. There are many people that read these postings who understand adoption and the sacrfice involved. I think THEY would love to have the opportunity to write a note to a birthmom detailing what they think of her incredible gift. These are the people who DO know what they are talking about and they are reaching across the miles to hug you even now. I also have great hope in this. Someday when Ty is old enough to understand this, I am convinced that he will have the ability to counter every hurtful thing ever said…when he looks in your eyes and say’s “Thank You”.
I love you,
Doni
64 responses to “Love Letters to a Birthmom”
Amanda, you should be proud of the way you’ve helped such a loving family as the Brinkmans!!
Amanda,
I have been reading Doni’s journal for at least 6 months now and have been inspired by her enthusiasm for living and her fierce protection of the life of others. You know her better than I do, and I’m sure you can name lots of reasons why Doni is a great person.
Amanda dear, YOU are a great person, too! When I read of the magnificent progress that Ty is making, I can’t help but think that he had to have inherited some of his spunk and determination from YOU!
When you look at the incredible testimony of God’s healing hand that Ty has become, can there be any doubt that his birth has made this world a better place? It might be easy for you to think, “But that’s because of Jim and Doni, not because of me.” But it’s because of God working through the lives of all of you — you, Ty, Jim, and Doni. He took circumstances that you had never planned on being in and orchestrated it so that when Ty made his entrance into the big, scary world when he was too small to make it on his own, that everyone was in the right place at the right time to help this tiny little guy not only live, but thrive. And people from all over the world have heard his story (I’m in Ohio).
You gave Ty an incredible gift, a safe and nurturing environment for his early stages and some determined, strong-willed, fighter genes!
I know that Ty’s story is HIS story, and that you may still feel a hole in your heart that his story is not constantly entertwined with your story. You may feel an ache to hold him and rock him to sleep at night. The smell of baby powder might make you cry. The awe of Ty’s story might overshadow your grief.
I don’t know if that will ever go away. I don’t know if you will ever stop wondering if things could have been different.
You have given an incredible gift that has blessed people around the world, and it was no small sacrifice for you.
I can only pray that you will have peace that the sacrifice was not greater than the rewards.
((((((Amanda))))))
With love and prayers,
Mary
Dear Amanda,
I am an adoptive mother to two precious blessings – Will, age 2.5 and Abby, age 19 months. Were it not for two courageous women, Nadia and Leila, our birthmothers, my two miracles wouldn’t be alive today. Because my children were adopted internationally (they were born in Russia), I am not able to communicate with these two women. Often I look into my children’s eyes and wonder about their first mothers. I wonder about how I can feel such a connection to two women that I have never met, yet whose flesh and blood I hold to my heart every day.
What they did was not easy. They followed through with pregnancies even under difficult circumstances. Both single, one a minor and one my age with two children already to raise on her own. Both experienced the hardships of life and chose to turn a deaf ear to the advice I’m sure they heard. “You should have an abortion.” “Do you think having the baby will make your boyfriend stick around?” “How will you be able to feed another mouth when you barely make enough money to take care of the kids you’ve got?” “If you don’t want that baby, nobody will.” My heart hurts for Nadia and Leila when I imagine how those comments must have stung.
Yet they chose life for their babies! They chose to give their babies a chance to know a life different from the ones they had known, lives of alcoholic parents in and out of jail, growing up too soon because they had no one to depend on. Because they chose life, I was able to choose life for these children, too. A life as my children! Praise God for adoption! Without this sacrifice, I would never hear a child call me “mommy.” Now my Will and Abby will grow up under an American flag in the land of the free and the home of the brave. They will never know a day without love and they will hear every day about their first mothers’ love for them that placed them in my arms.
May God continue to shine his face on you, Amanda. How blessed baby Ty is to have two mothers who love him so much!
love, Denise
Dear Amanda,
I don’t know if you remember me. I was at Ty’s baby shower. I just want you to know that I am very sorry to hear how hard things have been for you. I have been blessed by being chosen to raise three children through the grace of my children’s birthmothers. And more, if you count all the others in my family who are part of my family through adoption. I have encountered negative comment from otherwise well meaning people in regards to birthmoms. I had the opportunity to meet the birthmothers of each of my children, and I was blessed by them. I have NO DOUBT that they love these children, but that they were doing what they did for the best of the children. I have been humbled that we were chosen to be their parents.
My children do not have contact with their birthmoms, at the choice of the birthmoms and my husband and I. My children do know they are adopted, and that they are loved. There is no stigma attached to adoption in our household, and we have been priveledged to meet very loving birthmoms and birthgrandparents that we would never have met otherwise.
Through unselfishness and love of birthmoms, I have had the opportunity to be a parent that I would otherwise have not had since I am unable to have children. And my parents have had the opportunity to be grandparents to each of my children, which is even more special now since my Mom passed away a little over a month ago.
These birthmoms chose life, and through that, many have been blessed.
I will forever be greatful for the loving hearts that led to the birth of my children.
I talked frequently with Doni before and after Ty was born. She was sooooooooooo excited about Ty. She and Jim had prayed about adoption and were led to you. Even if things didn’t go the way everyone had thought it would, she has NEVER once thought that Ty was a “problem”. God knew they were the parents that He had planned for Ty, and has sustained them. He also knew you would be part of each others lives and has given you a wondrful friend in Doni.
I know how hard the adoption process can be, and how long it can take to be blessed with a child. I will pray that more birthmoms will chose life for their unplanned (but not unwanted) babies. I will also pray for the adoptive families that are blessed by welcoming those children into their homes.
Your choice wasn’t the “easiest”, or the most convenient, but it led to Ty. He is a blessing to so many. Your love gave him life.
Susan
P.S. I guess Doni and I have another thing in common……..we write a lot!! 🙂
Dear Amanda,
I have felt a bit of kinship with you since Ty’s birth because I am also the mother of a 25 week preemie. Also, being an adoptive mother, I have a special place in my heart for birth mothers. My daughter was born in Belarus, far away in both distance in culture from my warm, sunny home in California. In this small Eastern European country lives a woman to whom I will forever be grateful. When I look at this woman’s backround on paper, I wonder why she chose life for her precious daughter. I also see that through what she wrote on these papers, she loved her daughter very much. That I know in my heart to be true.
Amanda, I may never get to say what I would love to say to this amazing woman, so I’m telling you because I have so much respect for your choice in choosing adopton for Ty. You are a woman full of selfless courage and in my opionion you are a wonderful mother. You sacraficed your desires for what was best for your son. I pray that you will know this deep in your heart, no matter what others may say. I pray for God’s healing in your life and I pray you are rewarded beyond measure. Amanda, you are a blessing.
Adriana
Amanda,
I have to say that you are a courageous, loving, intelligent, and selfless person. What you have done for the Brinkman’s and Ty is amazing! I have so much love and admiration for those who choose adoption. I have an adopted brother. I can say our family would not have been complete without him! I thank that STRONG woman everyday. Amanda you are truly a blessing and never let anyone crush your wonderful spirit!
Amanda,
Your gift, Ty’s story has helped me. I was undergoing premature labor at the time ty was born. Knowing that Ty was alive and safe and cared for let me know that my baby would be ok. When Joshua my son was in the NICU April 2004 I knew we would get through it, because TY got through it. It helped me to know I was not the only one out there with a baby in the NICU scared and unsure of his outcome. Ty story made me trust and god. My Little guy turns One this month, I want to thank you for your sacrafice to this loving family who will always welcome you with loving arms, no matter what. My Husband was adopted and thank god his mom made the right choice. Thank you for making the right choice. Ty is a inspiration. God Bless.
Sara
Amanda,
Back when my Mom was a foster mom in California we were blessed to have two newborns at a time until they were placed in a home. Back then the birth mom didn’t get to choose where her baby went and it was all very secretive. How we loved those babies and what a blessing they were in our lives and the lives of the families they went to. So I appreciate your sacrifice for Ty and you made a courageous decision – to give your baby a loving family home. That does not discount your love for Ty then and now. This world has taken an evil turn and life is not respected much any more. We did get to see our last foster baby after she was placed and they named her after my Mom. She had a birth defect and the “big brothers” she lived with only saw her beauty. As far as they were concerned she was perfect. Bless you for choosing life and especially, for blessing the lives of the family of Jim and Doni.
Kathleen
Amanda,
From one Amanda to another, let me say how proud I am of you and for all that you have done for the Brinkman’s. I met Doni a few weeks before Ty was born on a website for women struggling with recurrent miscarriage. I was instantly drawn to her & to her love for children expecially babies who do not have a voice loud enough for others to hear yet. She live every day what she “preaches” and she is stepping up & making a difference – You have all of those same qualities. God gave Ty to you so that you could be a lifelong blessing to the Brinkman’s. You are a beautiful young girl & I know that one day you will also give a voice to children who can’t speak up for themselves. Remember that God is with you & he gave you Ty & he will bless you for sharing your life with the Brinkman’s. May God continue to Bless you,
Amanda
AMANDA
YOU ARE A WOUNDERFUL PERSON. I HAVE MET YOU A FEW TIMES AT CHURCH WITH DONI. AND YOU ARE A VERY LOVING AND CARING PERSON. WHAT YOU DID WITH TY YOU DID OUT OF LOVE. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVEA TON OF RESPECT FOR YOU AND I PRAY FOR YOU AT THIS TIME WHEN YOU ARE DEALING WITH PEOPLE IN THE WORLD SAYING THESE HURTFUL THINGS TO AND ABOUT YOU. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Amanda –
Reading Doni’s journal about what you have been enduring saddens and angers me. You made a very unselfish decision and one that brought so much joy to the Brinkman family. I have referred others I know to read Doni’s site. One in particular is a 15 year old gal I know who was contemplating abortion. It was in part due to Doni’s website that she chose to continue the pregnancy and has gone the route of seeking a family from her church to adopt so that she may still have a relationship with the adoptive family. Your story helped save the life of another precious bundle and is giving another family a great joy that they might otherwise never been able to experience.
Amanda, I don’t know you or the Brinkmans…..I just found my way here by following a link back in Feb of 2004 and have faithfully checked in on you and the Brinkmans ever since. Your story, Ty and Tanner’s story’s are so inspirational and amazing. Hold your head high! You are amazing and selfless and I commend you for your decision.
God Bless you!! Denise
Amanda,
I just want you to know that Daniel and I and our boys are so in love with Ty. We cherish him with all of our hearts.He is the child that God chose for our family and that means God also chose you to be a part of this family. We love you and thank you for your unslefishness and love for life. Whenever I look at Ty, I think of how much he is loved by both families. What a lucky little guy! I can’t help but wonder how perfectly God knew that Ty needed your strength and Doni’s determination to make it through all he has. Your talkative outgoing personality is so apparent in him. He is joy to be around, just like you. You gave him the very best, I can say that honestly because Doni and Jim have been a part of my life since I was two years old. Doni and Jim are also our children’s Godparents. We know that above all else they love the Lord and will raise their family with love and strong values. Ty is part of an amazing legacy of love.
God has big plans for you, Amanda. I know this deep in my heart. You have already shown such maturity. You allowed God to lead you during a difficult time in your life and I know that you will continue to do so. I hope that when you receive these negative attacks, you know that there are many people who are standing behind you, holding you, praying for you and loving you. I am one of them. I will continue to pray for you always.
Love,
Brooke
Dear Amanda,
I too had a baby delivered at 26 weeks due to placental abruption and know first hand how terrifying that is and also how physically hard the recovery can be. You are a remarkably brave beautiful woman that God is doing a mighty work through. Your story and choice to place your baby for adoption is one beyond your years. I pray God will continue to bless your efforts as you continue to honor him with your life and the good choices you have made.
In His love,
Ann Marie
Sweet Amanda!!
This Aunt wants to hug you close and love you through these words! The path that you willingly chose and the decisions you have made are helping to shape you into the beautiful young woman that God is creating you to be. These early struggles with impacting decisions are going to be the foundation for the rest of your life. Just think – you have made one of the most courageous decisions, stuck with it, are growing through it, and by looking at the comments already sent, have impacted other lives because of it. We are so proud of you. Emotions, however, are hard to control and though I’m sure you are certain about your choices, the realities still hurt, the insecurities still abound, and there are some days that you aren’t going to know how to handle the “feelings” that are very true and valid. Whenever you doubt yourself, all you need do is look at this site and see, and read, and look and know that YOU are the reason that Ty Jordan Brinkman is alive and well and loved and growing and acting more and more like you each day!!! Doni constantly says how he reminds her of you and she is soooo glad as she loves your personality so much! We love you sweetie and want you to know that good day or bad, struggles or joy, feeling lonely, discouraged, or scared – you are never alone. Our loving Heavenly Father designed Ty in your womb and intricately created a pattern that wove a little of you, and your mom and little grandma along with Doni and Jim and Tanner and Papa and Sweetie – combining a finished materpiece beyond compare!! We love you, and as an adoptive mom of Jamie and Jenna, words are not adequate to expound our level of thankfulness for the sacrificial gifts every birth mother offers to women who long to be Mommy’s. Please know that we recognize the loss you feel gave us great joy. Our prayer for you is that the Lord will bless you “exceedingly, abundantly, more than you ask or think.” If God had a great plan for Ty, just think what His great plans are for you!!!! From your adopted “Aunt Beck”
Amanda~
I have never had the opportunity to meet you but I wanted to say a few words if you don?t mind. As I sit here I am realizing that I am at a loss for words. (If you knew me that would shock you!)J I just want you to know that there are so many people out there that love you for giving Ty life, but far more importantly, you honored the Lord in your decision. My opinion, and the opinion of everyone else, is irrelevant when it comes to what God has commanded. He clearly states that He alone is the giver and taker of life. I can?t imagine the grief that you are enduring but I hope that you are left with great comfort in knowing that you were faithful even when the stakes seemed unbearable. There are not very many people in the world that have the courage and strength that you have shown and for you to have it at such a young age is remarkable. I pray that the Lord will bless you and that His grace will pour over you. Thank you for recognizing the sanctity of life and for being a shining example of the Lord?s awesome power and unfailing love.
Laura Reich
Dear Amanda
As patriarch of Ty’s family and his grandfather I want the world to know that as surly as we hold Ty in our arms we hold you and your family in our hearts. I know from talking with your grandparent, mother and family that you all sacrificed your personal preferences for Ty’s sake. The way we see it, by Christ’s sacrifice and your sacrifice, we are all one family. We love you all and count you as one of the greatest blessings in our lives. Don and Deanna Zimmermann (Papa and Sweetie), for the whole clan.
Amanda,
I am at a complete loss for words! I just can’t comprehend that anyone could be so nasty to you after what you have done. To say that you were selfish and passing your “problem” on to the Brinkmans is just absolutely outrageous! What you did could not have been more generous. Doni and Jim (along with half the world) love that little guy more than anything. I have followed Doni’s site since the beginning and I can not go a week with an update. I have even emailed Doni before when an update was late. I love that little guy! I don’t know you or the Brinkman family but I just want to say thank you for what you have done for them and for the world. You have opened so many peoples eyes as to whatlife truly is about. The joy you have given Jim and Doni will be returned to you TENFOLD, you can hold me to that!
Hold your head high, you’re a wonderful, beautiful young lady, be proud of what you so generously did.
Oh, Amanda, if I could only hug your neck! You are such a hero! I do not know you, but have been following this website since Ty’s birth. I can not tell you how much it has touched my life. Mostly, seeing how you have handled this, and hearing what Doni has to say about you has been what has touched me the most. When I started following this website, we were in the waiting stage of adoption. Now, I am an adoptive mother and just today I was telling someone how amazing my daughter’s birthmother was/is. I do not know her, and probably never will get a chance to meet her because in Japan (where we live) adoption is closed. If I could only meet her and tell her what a beautiful person she is. Since I can not meet and tell her, I will write to you the words I would like to say to her. Thank you, thank you thank you! Your love for this baby is so great and beautiful. To choose life, not just birth BUT a LIFE for this child was so full of love and grace on your part. Your choice was so mature, such a sacrifice, and so perfect, not a mistake, and definitely NOT wrong. Through you and your obedience to do the right thing, God is painting a beautiful picture in the lives of you and Ty’s family! Because you chose life for Ty, you have been a part of countless miracles, not just in His little life and the Brinkmans, but in the lives of countless who’ve followed this story and been touched and changed by it. AND who will certainly be touched by it in the future through you, the Brinkman’s and especially Ty as he grows and can one day tell his side of the story too. You chose the miracle and I can’t imagine how much it hurts, but I know you will be blessed for it! bravo, Bravo, BRAVO! You are amazing! Thank you for being who you are!
I could never really put into words how amazing I think you are. God bless you and I am praying for you!
Marla Ayatsuka
Aroma Ministries
Japan
Amanda, I am so proud of you. My heart is overflowing with admiration for you and your family. Being a teen is hard enough…a teenage pregnancy turns your whole world upside down. I’ve been there, heard the comments and most importantly… I survived, learned and grew from the experience. I know that I am not a bad person and neither are you. You have the most amazing support system all around you. I pray that you will feel their love and the arms of the Lord wrapped around you everyday. They will be your armor. You are a sweet, special young lady.
Much love & respect,
Jennifer C.
He alone is my rock. I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:6
Amanda, this is the first time I am writing on a post but felt the need to say something.. I have been following Ty’s story since the begining!! I just wanted to say I think the WORLD of you!! To think anyone would say different is just beyond me!! You did so much for Ty and we are so grateful for that!! God bless you hun!! Stand proud of you what you did!!
Amanda~
I’m not sure I can say anything that hasn’t already been written. I just wanted to tell you I was a young single mom. My second pregnancy I was 20, alone and afraid. I sought out adoption for my baby and didn’t follow though. Although I love him more than anything there have been so many days that I’ve felt the pain and even the “shame and guilt” of what I should have given him. I have also had to help him heal in his feelings of not feeling wanted, depression, and his emotions are also healing. My love at the time was not self-less it was very much selfish. Jesus will heal my son and I. He has given you a gift in Ty. In reading about Ty’s story my heart has been brought closer to our Heavenly Father.My children have been brought closer to Him. In reading Ty’s story and others like him I know how faithfull He is. My heart was really spoke to about not letting my past be a part of my future. That’s the eneimy destracting me from what this is really about. That is giving honor and glory to God. You have done that and you will be greatly blessed because of your love for you son.
God Bless~ my heart is sending a big hug for you!
Missy Eagen
Amanda:
I can’t believe anyone would make you feel bad about your decision. You did an amazing, selfless thing when you decided to let Ty come live with the Brinkman’s. First you chose LIFE for your baby, and you took care of him while he was in your womb. Doni said that no one had ever seen such a large 25 weeker, and that is a testament to the kind of care you gave him. Then you realized you could not provide the life he deserved, so you chose a wonderful loving family to raise him. I am sure Ty will consider you a hero when he gets older, because that is what you were for him. Ty is a true miracle baby, not just to the Brinkman’s, but to people from all over the world who followed his story from this website. None of us consider him a “problem”, he brings nothing but joy to everyone who knows him…even those of us that only know him from reading about him. I hope all these comments will provide some mental armor to protect you from the mean heartless people who want to bring you down.
I dare anyone to look at Ty and say he should have been aborted! These people have no clue what they are talking about. I know he will grow up to be an amazing person 🙂
God Bless you and heal you.
Jennifer
Amanda
Thank you for the great sacrifice you made in allowing Ty to be adopted by Jim and Doni. Their whole family is one of the most loving wonderful families I have ever known. Your decision was very brave and very mature for your age. Ty will always be loved and cherished by a lot of people. I know he will always be considered an awesome gift by many people.
I pray that the wounds caused by inconsiderate or unknowing people would be healed and that the Peace that passes all understanding would surround you.
Love
Brenda Wardlaw
Amanda,
Oh how it breaks my heart & infuriates me in the same instance that people say insensitive things to people–whatever the situation–infertility, birthmothers, & adoptive parents. Most of the time the people who say things of this nature do not understand adoption, the sacrifice involved, or the love involved. My husband & I do. We adopted our son in 2003. We have a closed arrangement with his birthmother, by her choice. Everyday I pray for her, and ask God’s blessings on her life. I would love to talk to her! I would tell her always how thankful I am for her strength, character, and love for our son. Our lives will never be the same because of the gift she gave us. She will always be a part of us, and our family. We love her so much. Please don’t let those that say hurtful things to you get to you. They do not know what you have really done. We do. Jim & Doni & their families do. God knows. You put yourself 2nd, and Ty first. That’s love. God is there for you. He will meet all your needs. Look at all he has done already with how great Ty is doing! God has his hand on you & Ty, He always has. You are a blessing Amanda!
~Jana
I taught pregnant and parenting teens for three years in a high school. Out of 96 girls I had the last year I taught only two chose adoption. One was an open adoption the other a closed adoption. The girl that had the closed adoption would lie to her other parenting friends about the choice she made. She would always say “oh my sister is keeping the baby today” It broke my heart that she felt she needed to/had to lie to her friends. The other student I had was very open about it and sadly was ostracized for it. She had to put up with countless curelty from people who just did not understand. Usually it seems the hurtful statements the cruel words come from ignorance about the situation. To be able to be so selfless and love a child so much to know that you can’t give him all that he needs is truly amazing. I think the reason adoption is not the popular choice is because most of them don’t want to hurt. I am so thankful for your life story and can only hope and pray that someone who knows about your story and going through this same thing can gain knowledge and understanding and choose life because of you. The gift of a child to a family who is aching for one is truly unmeasureable. I have so much respect and such a grateful heart for Amanda. I often think of my students that placed their babies and I am amazed at their maturity and selflessness and I know that two other families are forver grateful for them. The one student I had would always say about the adoptive family that “she made their life wonderful, that’s pretty awesome!” Teen pregnancy is never easy and the choices you have are always hard. I hope that people can be more understanding and truly think before they speak. Thank you Amanda for your wondeful gift.
I am sure this is weird coming from someone you will probably never meet, but you have touched my life and countless others and for that I am forever grateful!
Amanda!
I am so very sorry that people can be so mean. What you did I think some just do not understand. It was the bravest thing you could have ever done and maybe they would have just simply taken a simple way out. But they need to remember too that aborting a child would hurt much more than letting a loveing family raise one. And for you to be so close in the adoption is the most wonderful thing! My mother was adopted and for that I am very happy. If it wasn’t for her parents decision then I would not be here nor would my wonderful boys. So your decision was great and as you can see there are a lot more people that would agree with your decision than who do not. Keep your head high. Know who your true friends are and keep them close to your heart!
You are a wonderful person and I wish the best in your future.
Jere’
Amanda, I am both an adoptive mother, and an adoptee myself. I was relinquished at birth for adoption. I was always told that this was a loving decision made by my birthmother, to allow me to be raised in a family that could meet my needs, when she knew that she couldn’t. I’ve come to see it as much more. I see now that she was also courageous, responsible, and selfless. She made a great sacrifice, which gave my adoptive parents great joy. I’m crying for the beauty of it even now.
Now, I am an adoptive mother as well. I am so grateful to my daughter’s birthmom, for giving her life. She could have chosen to end that life, instead of letting it grow within her. In allowing the life to grow, she made possible one of the greatest blessings of my life. I know our daugther is in the family God planned for her, the one that could meet her needs.
Amanda, thank you for having the courage to see the good in your choice. Your friends don’t “get it.” Maybe they will, in time. But I’m so glad you “get it.” You are wise beyond your years, and are a great blessing to others!
Amanda,
I am one of those “imaginary friends” that has never met the Brinkmans, but feels close to them because of our online friendship. We have been following your story and Ty’s from the beginning.
I think you understand the true nature of motherhood the way few do these days. Sacrifice is not something that people are comfortable around and you have made one of the greatest ones. To bear a child when it would seem easier not to. To place him for adoption though it goes against society’s rules. That is heroic and I admire you for it.
My husband and I have been considering adopting a child one day. I was uncertain and let’s face it, afraid of what an open adoption would entail. But as I read about how much Doni loves you and what a wonderful part of her family you have become, I see what a beautiful possibility it is.
Love
Christie
Dear Amanda,
I am have a Snowflake baby (like Tanner) and we are now in the process of adopting a baby from China. I have already begun praying for our baby’s birthmom and the decisions she has before her. I am so sorry about some of the comments you have received. I think most people are just uneducated in adoption and they have no idea what they are talking about. Know that the only person who you have to answer to is your Savior and I am sure He would say “Well done good and faithful servant” because you chose life for Ty. I would not have my son had someone not chosen life for our embryos and the same goes for baby number two. Thank you for your decision and know that for all those that would put you down for your life-affirming decions, there are tons more people who want to build you up!!!
Amanda,
I am the adoptive mom of Hannah, 14 months old. As her mom, I can tell you that adoption is the most awesome thing I have ever experienced. Our adoption is semi-open – we send updates and photos, but we never hear from her birth parents. Still, I know that they love Hannah more than anything, and I’d stick up for them no matter what! They did the bravest thing by choosing what was best for Hannah even though they are missing out on being her everyday parents. They were so selfless in my opinion!
I am so proud of you and what you did for Ty. You showed so much love for him in making that decision. Not just any mom could do what you did. You loved your child enough to put his needs before your own. You were so selfless, and in doing this, you made Doni a mom! WOW! I just love you for sacrificing a little bit of your own happiness so that you could do what you thought was best for Ty.
I am so sorry for the comments you have to face from time to time. I’m on the other end of this, but many people who are very happy for us have made insensitive comments about birth parents to us. It seems that you can’t please some people – they don’t want you to have an abortion, but if you keep the baby and they don’t think you should be raising a child OR if you place your child with another family they are going to talk. People can be so stupid! I’m sorry that you are having to be so strong to stand up against these hurtful things. I wish I could stand with you and protect you. I really do!
Just know that I think you are awesome! God gave you a special way of seeing things, and I only wish everyone else would open their eyes and see how amazing adoption is!
Love,
Jen
Sweet, Sweet Amanda!
What words of wisdom are there for me to add? You are such a wonderful, beautiful, selfless young woman who has only begun to show the world what she has to offer.
You are LOVED. LOVED by so many, some that you do not even know! I hope that in those times when the weight of the world seems unbearable and inconsiderate, uneducated people are adding to it, you remember that.
You are wise beyond your years. Someday when the people who criticize you have matured they will see how truly selfless you were. It is easy to judge them for their stupidity, but you are better than that and see them for who they are.
What a precious gift you have given the world in Ty. Not only Jim and Doni, but all of us. That little one is destined to do great things. What a beautiful role you played in that.
I love you. You know I am always here for you. No matter what.
All my love,
Sarah
Amanda,
My name is “Kelly” and I am 30 years old with an 11 year old and almost 1 year old. Many years ago(in high school) I found myself in a situation much like your own. I was in a very bad place then, scared, nervous, You name it I felt it. I had an abortion. In all these years only my husband knows this. It is something that has haunted me through the birth of my daughter at 19, through many many miscarriages, secondary infertility, to the birth of my son last April. I felt God was trying to punish me for the choice I made. Everything I do and every breath I take is shadowed by this. I would not wish this feeling on anyone. The point of this was to tell you I admire you. I admire the fact you chose not to bow to peer pressure and how incredibly strong I think you are. You chose to give Ty Life. What a glorious gift. What a selfless gift. I did not make that choice and it will haunt me forever. Please honey don?t let people get you down. No-one is ever as hard on us as we are ourselves. I know I have beat myself up for years about my decision. I cant take it back but I can only hope I can help you see how very special you really are. I can only hope to educate people that There is no choice between life/death of a child, it is not our decision to make. It is God?s. Please take Care, and I truly hope that this e-mail has helped even a little. I know it has helped me to write it.
Blessings,
“Kelly”
*Out of respect for “Kelly’s” privacy, I have protected her name and email. I think Kelly had so much courage for being willing to post this and I wish I could reach across the miles and wrap her up in arms of love too. – Doni
P.S. If you are a post abortive woman and feel the need to talk with someone, I know of a very private christian support group led by a wonderful christian woman who is herself post abortive. Please email me privately and I will share this information with you. In addition, “Kelly” is also willing to be available as a resource if you need to talk through your own journey.
Amanda,
My husband and I will soon travel to Ukraine to adopt our son. Unfortunately, I will probably never have the chance to say to my son’s birthmother what I am going to say here. You are a wonderful person with a true love for the child that you carried! You made decisions that were hard and you made them with wisdom, grace, and selflessness that goes well beyond your age. You chose life for this precious little person that we’ve all come to love (even those of us who only “know” him through email and web updates!). I am so sorry that people are being hurtful and careless in the things that they are saying to you. So many do not understand the beauty and love that adoption holds. You have given a forever gift to Ty. He will always know that he was loved beyond measure because you chose his life over everything else. He will know how precious he was and is to you and all those in his life because he will never doubt that he was worth making those hard decisions and sacrifices.
What a precious person you are! You are beautiful inside and out. Please know that you are admired, respected, loved, prayed for, and cherished the world over because of the decisions that you’ve made for Ty. Just as we all pray for Doni and her family, we pray for you, also!
Love in Christ,
Beth J.
I just want to say THANK YOU so much to all of you who were willing to give me words of strength.. It means the world to me to know that all of you are behinde me and my decision, I never have doubted or regreted what I have done. People just make things alot harder to get over, and try to move on!! I love all of you who took time to let me see that there are people who see where I am coming from.
I love the Brinkmans, not just Doni, Jim, and cute little Tanner. I love them all the whole clan. You were all adopted into our family as well now you are stuck with us forever :)!!! YES Doni WE WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! if it is one adoption at a time or more, we will get there one day OPRAH!!!!!
Doni I will sit down and write out my story for you, and all of you on the site 🙂 Then everyone can see it from both sides of the story. It will be hard, but hopefully it can help some women make decisons that they were not thinking they could make either.
Thank YOu again to Everyone who wrote and Thank you Kelly for having the guts to tell your story and if you ever need anything if anyone needs questions answered just ask Doni, and she can let me know and I am here for anything. I am just like Doni more than any of you know, we are both very open soo….
Good Night and I LOVE YOU DONI!!! and the Brinkmans. And all of you Beautiful woman
Hi Amanda, I don’t personally know any of you, but, I have been following Ty’s story since the beginning. I just have to say that your act of bravery, love and courage not only blessed the Brinkman’s but also touched the lives of people all over the world. Ty is a lucky little boy to have such love in his life. And giving the care of him to another family is a greater act of love than I can imagine. Keep your chin high, you have earned it!
Amanda
I don’t know anyone on here personally…. I found this site searching for other preemies… I had twins at 24 weeks 9 months ago… we lost 1 after 12 days… but Nathan made it through and is the joy of our life! I tried to conceieve through fertility drugs for 4 yrs… my husband and I also explored adoption…. we didn’t care where our baby came from… we wanted a family… we lived in texas at the time and we got a call 2 yrs ago that there was a birth mom who wanted to meet us… she was 23 and pregnant for the 6th time… her oldest child was 7 yrs old…. the baby she was carrying had a heart defect but we didn’t care… he would be loved just the same…. so we started the process… and when she had him we drove 7 hours to Louisiana and stayed in the hospital with him for 2 days..sleeping with him.. playing with him changing his diapers…. then she changed her mind…
we were crushed… devastated.. it was like losing a child to death.. so we went back home.
A few weeks later she called us saying she *might* go through with hte adoption but we were so scared we couldn’t risk it again…
well it came to be that she was toying with us and another couple… well on her way to getting money.. she “offered” the baby to the other couple for 5,000$ … she was arrested all her children including the baby ar ein foster care still to this day…. no one wanted to adopt him because of his heart defect… we tried.. went to the district attorney down there but her family still has “rights” to him so we couldn
t adopt him still… it’s just a sad story…
So what you did for TY was the most SELFLESS act of love possible….. and he will know that… and everyone who comes to this site and reads already knows it.. and knows what a caring a beautiful person you are…..
Sammie
Hi Dear Amanda: You are like an angel. You have made a wonderful family so happy and so complete. It was as though the Lord meant for everything to happen the way it did. You are so special. The kind of person anyone would be proud to know. I do not know you personally, only through the postings from Doni. I have been foloowing from day 1. I do know you are special. I think that peoeple like you are angles from God, only sent in a way that we don’t always see it at first but we will once we get to know you. I am sorry to hear about the harsh comments that you are getting. I to got pregnant at a very young age. So I know exactly how you feel. The people who you thought were your friends were not. Its hard to find out this way. I lost all my friends when I got pregnant. It was hard to take but now I look back and see that theose people just don’t matter. You will know the friends who mean the most to you. They will stick by you and help you anytime. I want you to know that no matter what people say and the friends that you lost, you will always have a greatful family who will always care and always be there. You have gained a whole new family during this whole process. Always know friends come and go but Family will always be there. This is what I always tell my boys. Family is the most important thing. For you 2 families is even better. I hope things will get easier. God Bless you, today, tomorrow and always.
Love Johanne Vincent
Ottawa, Canada
Hi Amanda!
I’m a little late here but I just wanted to drop you a quick note. You’re a beautiful person inside and out. The sacrifice that you made by placing Ty with Jim and Doni has brought so much joy to so many lives. I truly believe that God has revealed His glory in an amazing way through Ty’s life. I pray that the joy you’ve brought to others will be returned to you tenfold. God bless you!
Amanda, I’m a reader of Doni’s and have always admired her for her willingness, in this selfish day and age, to stand up for love and the right to life. I have always admired you too for having the strength to bear your child and entrust him to another mother to raise. It’s one of the noblest, most unselfish things a mother can do, and you are to be commended and admired. It would have been so easy to just have an abortion “like everyone else.” Ty’s story makes it very clear to me that God has been holding you, Ty and Doni in His hand all this time, and has been guiding your paths. All of this has happened for a reason, and although I have never met any of you in person, all of you are an inspiration to me. As the 44-year-old mother of three very much loved and wanted children (and another due in August!), I know very well how precious the life of each baby and child is. How many women like me have longed for babies and been unable to have them, and how many women have just thrown away their babies like garbage. For anyone to say that you have not done a wonderful thing is to expose their own ignorance and ugliness. God knows you for who and what you are, and Doni knows, and Ty knows. The rest of us know, too. Stay strong. God bless you all.
Sweet,Sweet, Amanda,
I have so many things I would like to say to you, and someday I hope to get to hang out a little bit,but for now, just let me say,THANK YOU,THANK YOU,THANK YOU.This will, I am sure be the most diffucult and most important decision you will ever have had to make.It was the right one and I’m glad you feel that way too.
Anyone with a negative comment about your placing your baby for adoption, sadly must not understand the great love and sacrifice needed to make such a decision. You are full of love. It shows in your eyes and your smile.Our family has been greatly blessed by the addition of Ty,and he will be forever cherished and loved.
A wise woman once told me,”never let anyone else define you.” She was so right. God is the only One qualified to do that and we can rest assured He knows our hearts and what’s inside. Some stranger or even a well meaning person does not know these things.
I pray for God’s healing on your heart. We all love you and are so happy to have you in our (enlarged)family.
Love you,
From Ty’s Biggest Fan, Grandma Sarah
Hi Amanda, Tonight my dream for Ty has come true. Ty and Tanner are spending the night with Sweetie and me for the first time. I could not ask for a greater blessing. Thank you, Poppa
Hi Poppa, I am so happy that your dream has come true. I hope that you have a great night and spoil them well!!! (I know you will) Give them big hugs and kisses!!
Thank you Grandma Sarah, I am happy that I have the chance to be in your enlarged family. I love you all, everyone of you is so dear to my heart, to let me and my family still be apart of Ty’s life means the world to me. I have loved getting to know everyone of you, I love you all.
Good Night I love you
Amanda,
We are waiting to be matched with a bmom. Since we started this journey of adoption, God has pressed on our hearts to pray for our baby and the precious woman who will give birth to him.
Bmom’s are some of the MOST precious & courageous women in all creation. And you are one of them. I pray that God will fill you with His peace that passes all understanding and that Ty will always know what a special gift you gave him. You are special to God, who loves you for who you are!!!
Blessings,
Ronel
i’m only half way through these comments and will have to continue later but am SOOO blessed by the outpouring of love and encouragement. amanda, you are hearing much of what you already know but every time you hear it, read it, again it will solidify in your heart and strengthen you again. perhaps it will give you new words, new vocabulary, with which you can use as source when those nay-sayers speak up. 🙂 you can tell them to just go to this link, read for a few minutes, then think again about their words. 🙂
a few posts really stuck out… one commenter called you a hero. oh what a perfect word! you are such a hero – first to ty – and then to so many others.
the other words that touch me so come from zimmermann/brinkman family members. they touch me so because i know this family – they unoffically adopted me too and gave so much to me when i needed it most. there were times when i sooo needed the arms of embrace that i received there. ty’s poppa was instantly a daddy to me and sweetie has become my own. i’m so thankful for the ways the gaps in my young teenage heart were filled by my z-family.
something else struck me half way through this comment-reading session. it’s so obvious that your choice to give ty life, and then to choose adoption, were amazing blessings to ty… more than a blessing even! not only that but yes, you DID bless the brinkman family. but there is more – so much more – you didn’t carry that precious boy, choose adoption, and walk down this cumbersome road JUST to bless the brinkman’s or even ty…. it’s a given that your obedience to do what is right blesses the heart of God – that is a huge and beautiful thing. but Amanda, darling Amanda, it does not even stop there. this choice for what is good, beautiful, right, loving, is also a blessing for you. what you have walked through, the sacrificial choices you made out of a heart of love and obedience to God, will serve to bless your life. when we obey there are rewards. you may not even experience the fullness of the rewards in this life but you will experience some of that blessing in your own heart now – and most certainly will find rewards for eternity. you’ve blessed ty, you’ve blessed the brinkman’s… but most of all you’ve blessed the heart of God by honoring Him with your choices and that, my dear, leads to blessing for you. may you begin to taste the sweetness – the beautiful beautiful sweetness of the choices you’ve made.
love,
heidi jo
Amanda,
Don’t for another second in your life forget that you have done what we adoptive mothers have not experienced — made the most difficult and heart wrenching decision that one can ever make — for your child. You know by now that Doni and Jim are wonderful parents, but what birth mothers do for our families far exceeds what we can ever do. Your sacrifice, gift, selfless love, and courage will follow you for the rest of your life. “Thank you” just doesn’t cut it, but on behalf of children everywhere, born and unborn, thank you for honoring life by your example.
Blessings to you always,
Kate
Amanda,
I am also a birthmom, and have heard and felt a lot of negativity from my so-called friends, some of my family members, and even co-workers who had no business expressing their opinions! But, out of all of this, I have found that I already had some good friends, a wonderful family, and most importantly, I found that God has always been right there with me holding my hand. It’s been 8 years now, and I woke up one day not too long ago and the first thing I thought is “thank you, Lord, for all these blessings!” The painful things that people have said to me still ring in my ears from time to time, but the fact that the Lord keeps blessing me everyday with family and friends that support me in the decision to place my little one up for adoption makes everything all that much better. The adoption is open, and the family welcomes me into their lives, and I feel so blessed that I have the opportunity to see that child grow up. To make things even better, I know that they are raising her in the faith, and that she knows her Savior, so that some day we will all be together again in the end. Keep the faith, Amanda. People can be cruel, thoughtless, and seemingly heartless, but remember that God will see you through, and you will be blessed richly for putting your baby’s needs first!
~Anne
Wow. Reading all these posts is just incredible! Sure can warm one’s heart. 🙂
Amanda, because of you & countless others, I consider myself a very, very strong “birthparent advocate” – & proud to be if I may say so myself! 🙂
I am the mother of three darling children all by the blessing of adoption. That said, my husband & I have six amazing birthparents. It is really almost incomprensible to have such love & compassion for total strangers; strangers who instantly become family. The love I have for all six of our birthparents is indescribable. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of them. If not for them, I would never have the privilege & honor of being a parent. How do you repay someone for that? I don’t think it’s feasibly possible.
I honestly believe, with all my heart, that those who make insensitive, rude & thoughtless comments regarding adoption are just “innocently ignorant”. I honestly believe that unless you personally adopt, there is no way one can understand the depths of adoption. The love, the emotion, the sacrafice, the joy, the hurt and the tears. I know that many family members come close, but I think it takes actually walking the adoption walk to comprehend the love that is exchanged. Unless you are handed a baby to love & raise as your own, I just don’t think others can ever, ever understand. I think the majority of our society is guilty of this.
I am so glad that you know in your heart you did the right thing for you & for Ty. Adoption is an amazing act of God, & I again honestly believe that you & the Brinkmans were brought together by God. I don’t think anyone finds an adoptive couple by chance, coincidence, being at the right place at the right time, or knowing the right person. I’m sure you know that God had this path all planned out for you & even though you may not know why for many years to come….you can look at Ty & know that he is a part of that plan.
You are so precious. You have done something so remarkable, many of us will never even come close. Like someone else posted, you hold your head high. You stay strong & you keep smiling. May God continue to bless you & I pray you receive the respect you deserve. 🙂
I have seen, heard & been told of the treatment birthparents encounter. I will never understand it but again, I think it’s pure lack of knowledge. I pray someday I can make an impact in the adoption world. I’m trying to get the process going now. Adoption is my life, my hope, my dream & my future. Thank you will never be enough for what you have done & for what you have given the Brinkman family. Thank you will never be enough for what you have done for Ty. And oh, has anyone told you how beautiful you are? I love your photos! You are one amazing lady. 🙂
Melissa 🙂
Amanda,
I have never met you but let me introduce myself, I am Doni’s Aunt from California, her dad’s only sister. Doni and my daughter Jeannette are the only two girls in the family along with 8 boys between us. I am so thankful that you have done such a wonderful thing for Doni and Jim. I know the entire family has been blessed with your sacrifice. My brother has told me what a precious gift you have given. As you can guess we feel children are a true blessing from God no matter how they come.
My husband, Uncle Dave, and I are hoping to get to Arizona this summer to see Don and all the kids and grandkids. It would be wonderful if we were able to meet you too since you are now part of the family.
Thank you again for what you have given and I’m looking forward to meeting you
Another member of the family, Aunt Annette (some of the kids call me aunt nettie)
Amanda..
I have just read though each and every one of these comments to you..and boy do they melt my heart,I can only imagine what it does to yours 🙂 You are so loved by all of us! You are a beautiful beautiful young woman and I can not wait to see what the lord does with your life 🙂 I don’t have any more words to add that hasn’t already been said,but when I was driving today with my 3 kids in the van I was listening to a Christian radio station and heard a re-make of Celine Dion’s “Because you loved me”..and when I listened to most of the words I began to just cry and cry. I felt like the song was speaking on behalf of babies,like a thank you to the Mom who loved them so much and nurtured them in her womb and chose life for them..like YOU did! Here’s most of the lyrics from the song:
~For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’cause you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you.
Love,Kristy
Kristy – That is too funny! Great minds think alike. I was listening to this on KLOVE a few weeks ago and decided to use it for Ty’s Video (Celine Dion version). When I first heard it, I really visualized Jim and I and Ty. Last week though, I kept thinking the words of the song could so easily be about a combination of Amanda’s love choosing life for him and our love in raising him…and most of all…Christ’s love in sustaining Him and choosing all of us to play a role in Ty’s precious life. This song will be on his video for sure:)