….I can wear makeup if I want to.
SHEEESSSSHHHH!!!!!
Tori turned TWO last Friday (Feb 5th) and if her birthday weekend is indication of what the terrible twos will be like, then someone needs to start building me a padded room.
Let me just give you a Friday and Saturday run down…
On Friday – her actual birthday – I had bought an outfit for her to take up North on Saturday for some “two” pictures.???? The shoot for her was canceled due to the fact that she had pulled my purse off the kitchen counter, emptied it, found my Cover Girl Color Stay and painted her face with it (see above).???? Cover Girl should get an award for the permanency of their dry on color.?? WE COULD NOT GET IT OFF.?? We tried Vaseline, Wesson cooking oil, Arbonne Baby Oil, soap….nada.?? Jim and I submitted to laughter when oil soaked baby wipes were coming off dove white clean with NO lipstick color removed.?? GRRRRRRRRR.
Heidi offered up the only solution that helped some.?? She suggested using the lip color to get the lip color off.?? That actually worked better than anything else.?? Same theory as using hair dye to remove hair dye from skin.?? Weird huh??? Can’t figure the chemistry of that.?? Even today, she still has residual makeup on her cheek and it is now day four and several baths later.
Saturday was no better.
It was a project day for me so I was quite preoccupied.?? She used this to her advantage.
The trouble started at bath time.?? When her bath finished, I drained the tub but didn’t get her out immediately because I was still getting ready in the bathroom.?? At one point, I walked out of the bathroom into my adjacent bedroom for a moment (no worries as there was no water in the bath and I was still quite close to her).?? I heard a slip in the tub and was afraid she may have hurt herself so I ran into the bathroom.?? As I closed in on the tub, my jog came to an abrupt halt when something large, warm, and squishy, flattened under my foot and squeezed between my toes.
The smell and site assaulted me at once.?? She had gone number two in the dry tub, and decided that the largest deposit did not belong in the tub with her, so she threw it out of the tub and on to my nice rug (remember the rug conversation from a few months back when she nearly destroyed it with Mac makeup?).?? It was just my luck that I would land squarely on that ONE SPOT in the bathroom.
To make matters worse, she had played with it a bit first and I couldn’t distinguish between the potty and the makeup from the day before.?? Needless to say, we both got a second shower with me ranting the whole time.???? Quite possibly the most disgusting kid incident EVER.?? Seriously – that should have been her trouble quota for like the whole week at least.?? Not so.
*?? She emptied the entire goodwill bag of clothes that I had organized in her room the day before.?? They were mixed in with laundry so I had to start the separation project all over.
*?? I was cleaning out the kids closet and had ALL their clothes piled up on the bed on hangers.?? I left the room and returned to find ALL of them in heaps on the floor with many hangers removed.?? I was one very angry mama by this time.?? VERY.?? ANGRY.
*?? Jim wanted scrambled egg sandwiches for dinner so I started beating eggs in a bowl but left the kitchen a moment to talk to my honey in the front room.?? I returned to find her standing in egg yolks.?? She had pulled the eggs out of the carton on the counter and was dropping them on the floor to watch the mini explosions.?? I am sure that was quite fascinating for her.
*?? Went to grocery store WITHOUT HER.?? When I came home, I heard her singing from her bedroom.?? I went to check on her (Daddy was engaged in an Xbox game).?? A little person in my house had decided to put her in her crib.?? She went number two (AGAIN) and removed her diaper.?? Duct tape and all.?? Again I had to bathe baby and do laundry.?? I did hide a smile though over the fact that it had happened on Daddy time so that removed his right to say word one about me “not watching” her earlier in the day.?? Nice to have that little card to play.?? 😉
*?? At 10:00 PM, I went to get her ready for bed and found her in my bathroom with the bottom drawer opened and all my lotions and perfumes on the ground.?? (And yes this IS a drawer with a child lock on it).?? Thankfully I caught her before the bottles were opened.?? Thank the Lord for small favors.
And – NO – I cannot keep a two year old within two feet from me all day.?? I can’t do it.?? But yes…the consequences of this are going to be disastrous.?????? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
11 responses to “It’s My Party”
LMAO…..I dont use to many of these short form things but this one fit just right. I am visioning it all in my mind as I read. Too funny too cute, for us to read not for you to clean up or deal with. Sorry for laughing LOL. When I read your posts it makes me feel so good for the dumb little things my little one gets into when I am not with him at that moment. Makes me feel good to kow that I am not the only one that cant be with them 24-7. And the Dad’s of course busy with video games(same here) but they are never at fault, only us Mom’s. Doni it may be difficult at times but when you look back you will notice that there was never a dull moment and tones of memories which one day will be funny to you 🙂 Thanks for sharing, for making my day 🙂
Oh Doni. I feel like you just wrote a post from 2 years ago when Georgia was that age. Georgia has poured shampoo on everything – the kitchen counter, the carpet (not a good idea to try to “wash” shampoo out of carpet), on the bed, on the (dry) dog. She removed every shirt from Ryann’s closet and spread them all over the floor one day. She used to get on the counter and take a bite out of each apple in the fruit bowl and put them back. She ate dried up air freshener once and smiled through the whole thing, even though it was the most wretched smell ever and a taste that I couldn’t get out of my mouth after getting a tiny bit in. She was MUCH worse than the previous two girls to go before her. Sounds like Tori is every bit as into everything AND every bit as super-adorable as Georgia was at that age… which proves to be a problem:)
I always felt a little guilty that I did not keep tabs on her every second of the day. Like I had gotten lazy with my parenting by the third child. I’m learning through other moms of two year olds that I wasn’t lazy, its just darn near impossible to be with them every second of every day. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way to put the shampoo in the closet immediately after getting home from the grocery store lol! I know this is trite, but this too shall pass and you will have awesome stories and memories to last a lifetime!
Reminds me of a new version of an old song “It’s my party and I’ll dye if I want to…..”
Oh I feel for you Doni! Luke did a lot of horrible things but thankfully nothing as gross as that. I am praying that Seth will not do that to me as I have escaped the gross diapers messes with the other 3 boys and really don’t know what I would do if that happened to me.
I am sure it has been suggested but why don’t you use gates? Gates were my best friend with the twins. We had one downstairs to keep them from going upstairs and we had one at their door and then later on Luke’s door. They were the latching kind that swung open, not the pressure gates. I know your kitchen is ungateable, but what about the bathrooms?
Oh Doni, you poor thing! She is running circles around you!!! That little girl:). I am cringing for you having to step in that and having to clean all those messes up.
Wow Doni…..I am not envying you at this time. YUCK, YUCK and YUCK. Maybe you could get one of those backpack leash things and keep her attached to you at all times. LOL
Prayers for peaceful days coming your way.
I am so sorry, I feel your frustration! I had to laugh at the picture though, she looks ulta proud of herself!!
I feel a little guilty about how much I laughed reading this post 🙂 That huge grin on her sweet little face says it all, doesn’t it? I have always felt that my kids’ cuteness was somehow directly proportional to how difficult they were being at a particular stage. I think it’s a survival skill, how could you stay mad at that little face?
I’m loving every word of this post. Maybe because like most mom’s I have been there with my own. Keep your hands on your hips girl and your look serious…..you might want to add a little toe tapping.
Your gonna make it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel for you, remembering similar stuff my kids have done… but I am laughing at the same time 🙂 Personally, I think it is a girl thing. Madi and Lauren get into WAAAAAAAY more stuff than Tyler. Tyler gets hurt more, but Matt and I have said for years that boys are much easier than girls. But she is adorable, and cute, and I know she melts your heart; just like my girls melt mine. Love ya girl, and praying for you through all these frustrating and energy stealing moments. 🙂
Yes, this is like my life all over again! Tori and Braxtyn are not to be friends for a while! Candle wax, bag balm, ever-stay lipsticks, mascara, permanent markers, torn down curtains, number two in the bath in the bed…ect ect….. oh me oh my…what will we do!