A few years back, my mom and I were shopping in a bookstore when she came across a book called “How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It” by June Hunt.?? While she was skimming, she came across a list comparing forgiveness with reconciliation.???? The words resonated with her and she called me over and read it to me in the store.?? We both agreed – the author eloquently framed a perspective that mom and I both share, a discussion we have had off and on for many years.

I come from a line of boundaried women and I am so appreciative of that.?? Both my grandmother and my mother have served as wonderful examples of how to practice loving boundaries.?? To forgive – yes – but to also make wise decisions where reconciliation factors in.?? They are not the same thing.???? Forgiveness is a must but having boundaries are also very important and sometimes it can be tough to decide what is what – at least I think so.?? From a personal standpoint, I don’t want boundaries in my life to ever be “punishment” – to use them out of spite or vindictiveness.?? I do, however, want to use them appropriately because not using them when the situation calls for it, enables someone else to violate me, my husband, or children in an unhealthy manner and that isn’t good for anyone.

I thought I’d share this list with you because several people have asked me for a copy of it.?? If it resonates as truth in your heart as well, you may want to invest in the book.

*?? Forgiveness can take place with only one person; reconciliation requires the involvement of at least two persons.

*?? Forgiveness is directed one way;?? reconciliation is reciprocal, occurring two ways.

*?? Forgiveness is a decision to release the person who harmed you;?? reconciliation is the effort to rejoin the person who harmed you.

*?? Forgiveness involves a change in thinking about the offender; reconciliation involves a change in behavior by the offender.

*?? Forgiveness is a free gift to the one who has broken trust; reconciliation is a restored relationship based on restored trust.

*?? Forgiveness is extended even if it is never earned; reconciliation is offered to the offender because it has been earned.

*?? Forgiveness is unconditional regardless of a lack of repentance;?? reconciliation is conditional based on repentance.

(Page 122)

I also love the picture that the book The Shack (by William P. Young) puts on this topic.?? I would quote from it, but out of context with the story, you wouldn’t get the full of scope of such powerful words.?? Refer to pages 224 to 226.

Just my two cents for the day.?? 🙂