Today I was in the bathtub staring into the eyes of my youngest son. What beautiful depths of tender brown. I could stare and stare and stare. While he splashed away, my mind drifted to Amanda. Sometimes when I look into Ty’s eye’s, I see someone else very precious to me and I smile that he was given this remembrance of her. Words started flowing out of my heart, and when I got out of the tub I picked up pen and paper and started writing. As some that read this are blessed by adoption, I thought I would share it with you. As I will be copywriting this, I would appreciate if you did not reproduce it without permission (which I would likely give you:)
(I am putting this in the mail for Amanda tomorrow – shhhhhhhh – don’t tell her!)
And Then Came You?
Today I looked into love?s deep pools
Eyes of laughter, sparkling jewels
Lashes so long to mama?s delight
Eyes one dreams of while asleep at night
Tears and laughter merge as one
As I stare into the eyes of my beautiful son
He was a gift from the Father?s hand
When dreams crashed like a ship hit land
All I had hoped for and all I believed
Came tumbling down when no children conceived
A family dreamed of, prayers unheard
Hope crashing down in a single word
Mourning ? desperate – sorrow untold
Grief and heartache no baby to hold
The tiresome burden seemed too much to bear
We?d look to heaven and scream unfair
-
And then came you?
Our story tragic and yours painful too
A reckless moment than a child was due
Months of growing safe inside
Baby oblivious to the tears you cried
Once so young, careless, so free
Now mommy and baby make two not three
Without a father, no daddy beside
You couldn?t be both ? even if you tried
The goals, the plans, the dreams await
All crashing down in this twist of fate
Regret, fear, shame on the rise
Then healing came in a package disguised
Some say adoption is a child unwanted
Words that result in a tender heart haunted
But I know the truth behind desperate lies
A child unwanted in abortion dies
Love so deep so wide so true
Sacrifices alone and gives life anew
Your heart is broken and few understand
The legacy of a baby unplanned
You loved him, nurtured him, while in the womb
You gave him life instead of a tomb
The grief now heavy, the loss so grand
Part of letting go of this tiny little hand
Though despair threatens the distant horizon
May God grant peace and hope arising
We both needed mercy for the pain inside
Love that endures when miracles hide
The gift was wrapped in a package so bare
But the present inside – none can compare
Reminds me that God is good all the time
Even when life has neither rhythm nor rhyme
?Thank You? is inadequate for a gift so rare
A lifetime of gratitude for your tender care
For you always ? we are ever fond
Between us God forged an eternal bond
We love you, treasure you, pray for you still
We know this grief will take time to heal
Your beauty, your laughter, your heart of gold
Appear in our son ? a treasure untold
God gave him your eyes, your sunshine, your smile
Though for you this gift lasted but a little while
Your legacy will live for generations to come
In the child I am privileged to now call my son.
Written By: Doni Brinkman on March 17th, 2005
Dedicated to: Amanda
*Special Note: For those dear to me that have experienced abortion – let His unfailing mercy cover you. Rise and be free in His unending grace and embrace a new day. You are loved.
14 responses to “And Then Came You…”
Doni,
I am an HP sister and I know the HP ladies would be blessed by your poem. Could you please post it there for them? Thanks.
As an adoptive mother I am so moved by your words. You said what my heart felt and still feels about the precious choice that brought both of my daughters into my arms! All I can say is that this needs published. You represent us so well. How I praise the Lord for your tender heart and the gift He surely gave to You that you use to His honor and glory. Bless your heart – I love you!
good news is that poem WAS published! 🙂 right here on the website where MANY will read it. God has a way of taking the story of the Brinkman family around the world in order that He might be glorified and others would hear of His GREAT love. i have no doubt this poem will spread like wildfire too -and others will be blessed by it. i’m so thankful you took the time to put your thoughts and God-inspiration on paper. i’m happy to think of the stories that will come in the near future because someone had the heart to pass this along.
if others want to share this poem, perhaps they can be so kind as to just share the link to this page. however – just a thought – should anyone decide to take the liberty to reproduce this (with or without your permission) perhaps they would at least be so kind as to include your name and a link back to this page with their shared copy. copyright will protect your work but others would be considerate to include your name/link.
See…now that is what I love about having a sister. Someone has always got your back LOL!
always. 😉
May I share this with Jill? She is adopting Sophia on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A family so loving and so kind! Just remind me the next time not to eat while reading anything on your site! I cry and cry for happiness and sadness. My heart goes out to the both of you and Amanda and your families. With God so loved!
Doni,
When you read this to me on the phone on Friday, it moved me deeply and I became teary eyed (I was trying to keep composure in a resturant, I almost lost it:( When I read it for the first time today, Saturday, I began to experience an overwhelming ache inside and the tears began to flow. I know how hard this is for me, which doesn’t come close to what Amanda is experiencing. As a parent, all you ever want to do is protect your child, yet I see the heartache she is going through and I realize I will never know the depths of her pain. Although, when I see Ty with you, Jim and Tanner, (Mom & I had a wonderful time last Sunday @ the zoo, thanks), my heart breathes a sigh of relief because I know my grandchild has the most loving family ANY child could ask for. We are very blessed to have you and yours as part of our family. Thanks for all the considerations that you make, however small you may think they are, generally, it makes my day:)
Love you all,
Cheri
Grandma Cheri,
Hi, this is Heidi Jo, the “sister of Doni’s heart.” I just wanted to introduce myself first, hoping that one day I’ll meet you officially too.
Also, your note really touched my heart – as have your grandson and your daughter. Ty is an amazing heavenly gift and I’m so glad that he is my nephew. It’s really beautiful to see how God chose his family for him even before his birth – AND how God chose to allow the healing opportunity for you to remain his active Grandma, heart soul and body. I’m thankful he will have your love and influence in his life. I have no doubt he will too.
I can only imagine Amanda’s feeling in all of this – it must be confusing for this daughter of yours – young woman, beautiful, intelligent, lovely, lovely, young woman. She’s touched each of us in an amazing way. Her story is bringing life and hope to so many – many that she’s never met, never spoken to, may never see this side of heaven. I pray that the Lord will touch her heart with His GREAT compassion, his loving-kindness, his tender mercy… He said He would be near to the broken-hearted and I wonder if her heart is just a little broken? May the truth of His promise be evident in her life to comfort and heal, giving hope and life. May your family experience beauty from ashes, strength from fear, gladness from sorrow, peace from dispair. God has a way of making all things new, doesn’t He? Ty is a living example of all of those promises come true.
May your hearts be comforted by The Comforter, today and in every day to come.
I got a little carried away here in my thoughts of you. 🙂 Because I love Doni so, I feel a bit connected to you and yours as well. 🙂 Just know that the prayers and love for your family will continue – I’m sure many are praying for Ty, but I’m certain many are praying for you and Amanda too. May that bring a bit of comfort to your heart today.
With love AND prayers,
Heidi Jo
Doniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…youshould NOT be allowed to bring people to tears first thing in the morning!!!!
Girl~thank you for your Holy Spirit inspired tribute entitled Then Came You…
You put the rudimentary words of your heart, my heart (and adoptive moms everywhere!) into flowing, beautiful form. God blessed your hand that day, and my heart was blessed because of it.
Love to you and your family~
Becky
well said becky – i think we all couldn’t agree more. we need to thank God as much as thank Doni for their working together on this one! 🙂
Heidi Jo-Thanks for your words of wisdom and reassurance. I think I find peace within myself because I know this entire blessed event was orchestrated by God, there could be no other way. I’m just so thankful that everything just clicked from the first moment that we met Jim & Doni, considering they were the first couple that we met with! God is good!!
I am looking forward to meeting you one day as well. Maybe one day in May. I hear there is going to be a hum-dinger of a party for two little boys!! I better go before I get into trouble. Hee, Hee, sorry Doni! Take care Heidi.
Thanks again, Cheri
Doni, As I wrote you in an e-mail, I think the poem you wrote is beautiful. Perhaps you could submit it for publication to Stepping Stones. You may already know of this newsletter, but if not, it’s an outreach of Bethany Christian Services. They publish a quarterly newsletter as support for those struggling with infertility and the loss of a child as well as those who have decided on adoption as a way to grow their families. I have enjoyed the newsletter and I think your poem would fit perfectly in it. If you need the contact info., let me know and I’ll pull out the last issue!