Know what a VRU is? Of course you do you just may not recognize it by title. VRU is a voice response unit. It is the manufactured voice you must listen to everytime you call a busines these days. I know this “lingo” because I was an Operations Manager for a Call Center for many years (before children:).

I have a very serious aversion towards VRUs. In fact, I absolutely positively hate them. I was so aggravated this week trying to get information that during my wait I wrote a top ten list for why I hate them. Just for kicks, I thought I’d share. I KNOW that many will relate to me on this one. Feel free to add your own – I am sure I missed stuff.

Number 10 – I do not enjoy listening to the sales pitches while waiting. It is like adding insult to injury. First I have to sit on hold for three hours all the while listening to advertisements. Total double whammy that will aggravate the most patient of souls.

Number 9 – I want to get straight to business at hand and I detest having to listen to the 2 hour menu detailing every available option known to man. And of course, the option I want is always last. Naturally.

Number 8 – Apparently it takes a rocket scientist to figure out when you can hit zero for an operator. I have discovered this each time I have attempted to the beat the odds. On the one hand, you may hit zero at the appropriate moment and avoid aggravation number 10 and number 9 HOWEVER, one must beware because there is a great window of opportunity for disconnect while attempting this or equally as devastating, you may get dumped back into the main menu where you start all over.

Number 7 – In addition to number 8, I have found that there are 57 ways one can disconnect oneself. Never rhyme or reason for it…completely random. All as if there is this conspiracy to wear you down before you even get any one on the line.

Number 6 – If you ever manage to connect to an actual human, you then have the priviledge of the interrogation. Financial Institutions are the worst for this. I always enjoy it when they ask me questions I don’t know the answer to (like what was your last check amount) and I say “Hold on…let me pull up the same screen you are looking at on the web and I’ll answer your question….aaaghhh! It used to be just last four digits of your social. Now they practically require a DNA sample.

Number 5 – And while we are on the subject….why in the heck do they ask me these questions when I just had to verify myself through their dumb VRU with a password???? So your machine can answer my question if I know my password but you can’t ask my password so than we have to include 35 hundred other verification possibilities?

Number 4 – Ever notice these reps never have supervisors available? Exactly where do these supervisors congregate anyhow? Are they in the backroom scrambling all the VRU options just for kicks? I would swear someone is. The institution I used to work for (who shall remain nameless…which is laughable because these institutions always change names) actually had a slogan “Be here now.” Well where in the heck are they when they are never “here”.

Number 3 – If you ask a rep for their number so that you can call them back for follow up, they will say “I am sorry. We don’t have personal extensions.” How convenient for us. Never fail we DO have to call back and we get the priveledge of starting the conversation again all over with someone else. This will happen at least 3 times. Then you give up and you show up in person in the branch and you ask them why they bother using web and phone assistance when everyone ultimately ends up having to by pass these options anyhow.

Number 2 – I can’t count how many times I have been given WRONG information by service reps over the phone… I will sometimes call two to three times just to survey and average the answer. (I am totally not kidding about that). Provides hours of entertainment for the truly obsessed with fact finding missions.

Number 1 – WHY IS IT THAT I LIVE IN AMERICA AND I AM ASKED IF I WANT THE ENGLISH OPTION?

So that is my list and I feel better just writing it. If any of my past coworkers read this I am sure you will grin wide with amusement (all the while anxious for the day that you can post these comments with freedom as well LOL).