Over the years I have had many conversations with people that deal with the subject of shame. I hate the consequences of shame in a person’s life. The shame often wounds far worse than the event that caused the shame. Sometimes this shame is false…we have put unmerited shame upon ourself for something we are not responsible for. Other times we are caught in the “shame trap” over an event that we are completely and absolutely responsible for.

As one example, I can’t count how many conversations I have had with women who struggle with the concept that their child born out of wedlock was/is a “sin” child. While the mind is capable of rejecting that notion, sometimes the spirit gets confused and afraid. While God is specific about intimacy outside of marriage being sin, the children conceived out of wedlock are a beautiful example of His mercy.

Ty is not/was not Amanda’s sin. Ty is a picture of incredible grace. God heals up the broken and mends the wounded…even when we wound ourself. Not to say that our actions don’t have natural consequence…they do. Let’s not confuse this with punishment though. I think when we see such beauty come from sin it can feel confusing because we realize that the gift is unmerited. What an important concept to understand though…God’s gifts are ALWAYS unmerited. We are unworthy and we cannot be “good enough”. Only He is ENOUGH and when He lavishes love upon us, it is out of His mercy.

But what about when tragedy strikes? Again, I can’t count the conversations that I have had with woman who believe all the tragedies in their life go back to sin in their youth. There are so many examples of this, to name one – women who miscarry who think God took their babies as past punishment for abortion or sexual sin outside of marriage. I have also known people to actually TELL them that. Tragic.

This is not to say God never disciplines. He is a loving parent…far more loving than I. He does discipline his children in order to bring them into repentance and to build their character. I hope my reasons for disciplining are the same. I do NOT smack Tanner around in the middle of the afternoon though for something he did last week. (As a point of fact, I don’t smack Tanner around at all LOL…thought I better clarify that). If I discipline my children, I don’t leave them guessing what they are being disciplined over. I think there is a big difference between punishment and discipline. I believe the purpose of discipline to be growth of character and the purpose of punishment to exact vengence. For this reason, I don’t like to use the word “punishment” in my home because my heart internalizes that to be a defense for getting even with my little one’s and I hope this is not my reason for addressing their disobedience. Scripture does address God’s vengence but these passages are not in reference to His children.

While God does allow natural consequence in our lives, I have not known him to exact vengence on His children. Even in the natural order of things, His loving intervention captures me.

All this to say, if you feel that God is striking you with lightening and your screaming “uncle” having no idea what sin He has chosen to exact his vengeance over…stop…read…study…pray about this. Our suffering is not God’s way of taking out vendettas against us. His purpose in allowing our suffering is for purposes of great beauty and great importance in the people we are becoming…even when we don’t understand it.

If you find yourself caught in the shame trap today over an event unmerited OR merited…confess it and than MOVE ON. Shame must grieve God’s heart. He gave His only son so that we would be free of this yet we reject His gift. I remember talking to a bible teacher in college once about this subject. After pouring out my heart to her in regards to a sexually abusive situation in which I was caught up in both merited and unmerited shame, she asked me “Doni! Do you think Jesus’s death was not enough for you? Should God have required something more to pay for YOUR sin’s?”

That stuck with me. During that time I started to understand that shame has the capacity to strip us dry. To hold us down in the mire and choke the last drop of life from our spirits.

The apostle Paul tells us that we need to live life worthy of our calling. I love that statement! How in the world can one do that from our emotional prisons though? John says “When the son has set you free you ARE FREE INDEED.” Live like it! When your past haunts you or when others remind you of your failures, use those moments as opportunties to thank the Lord for all He has FORGOTTEN. When He forgives, He wipes it away as far as the east is from the west. His desire for us is that we are FREE to love and obey. Shame perpetuates more sin not more obedience (from my experience).

If you can visualize the bondage that holds you down, visualize Him removing your chains. Decide today to embrace the love and grace He offers you and go out and be who you are called to be. He loves you with an everlasting love.

All my love…