With Birthmother’s Day on the near horizen, I have been looking for opportunities to promote this celebration (thus the recent postings). Coley, founder of Birthmom Buds, emailed me an article she had written about being a birthmother and I asked her permission to share it with you. You all get to hear my point of view in regards to adoption ALL the time, this time I want you to hear the heart of a birthmom. (You might need some kleenex…I did).

I AM A BIRTHMOTHER
by Coley Lambert – Strickland

I am a birth mother. I relinquished my baby in an open adoption arrangement,” I say with pride in my voice and a smile on my face to people in town when they inquire about my shrunken belly but do not see me with a baby in a stroller.

“I wonder why she did that. She’s obviously not a teenager. Must have dropped out of school or something,” the cashier, thinks when she hears the girls reply.

“She probably doesn’t even know who the baby’s daddy is,” another person thinks.

“I bet she does drugs,” a man ponders as his prescription is being filled.

“Is she homeless? Does she even have a job? Could she simply not afford an abortion? So she gave her newborn baby away to strangers,” races an older lady’s mind as she walks off in disgust.

“I bet she didn’t love her kid either,” says the adoptee in her mid twenties who had just found out after years of untruths that she was in fact adopted.

A birth mother does drugs, is a teenager, is homeless, is poor, is addicted to drugs, promiscuous, lazy, cannot get a job, does not love or care for her baby, and many more are all STEREOTYPES. Where do these stereotypes come from? I don’t think that anyone is quite sure. In generations before, there were many instances in which teenagers did get pregnant and were forced to place their babies in closed adoptions and were told by their parents and other adoption professionals not to think of those babies anymore. There are statistics that show children were forced in adoption because of mothers who used drugs their entire pregnancy. All birth mothers, those who relinquished a child 2 months ago or those who relinquished a child 20 years ago, both will tell anyone that would listen how that was the hardest, most selfless thing they have ever done. But yet, we carry a burden by the way society treats us.

Am I any of these untruths or stereotypes??? No, I am not. I am a birth mother, and I am proud of that. But I am not a teenager, in fact I am in my mid twenties, educated, have a decent job, and I am engaged to the most wonderful guy in the south. I could have paid for an abortion, but do not feel that I have permission from God. It is in God’s plan who lives or dies, not mine. So, I prepared to keep this life and parent it until God sent Scott and Angee into our lives. They were looking for a baby to adopt and we had so many things in common and we knew this was in God’s plan. We just followed our orders.

I did, do, and always will love my baby so very much. And his adoptive family loves him very much too. Whenever I see my baby’s adoptive Mom with him and both of their faces are glowing and cheeks are rosy and his little small smile lit up and her big “my life is blessed” smile, I know that this is God’s gift to me. I helped play a part in answering their prayers.

Knowing that I helped God complete a plan, excuses some of the burdens society places on me, but that doesn’t mean that it still did not hurt. When I was pregnant and having an ultra sound, the doctor advised me that it would be best for me not to see it. After my pregnancy, when I was having a horrible time with post partum depression, my doctor blamed it solely on the adoption and asked me why my life was so bad I had to give the baby away. If I had been as strong as I am now, I would have looked at her and said, “My life’s not bad, it’s perfect. I followed in God’s plan.” But all I did then was look away. I was prepared to deal with the sadness and empty feelings in my stomach, but I was not prepared that society would make me feel that it was not ok to have a baby and share that life with someone else.

The next time you are in the grocery store or at a restaurant and you hear a courageous young lady say that her baby was placed in adoption. Instead of thinking how could she do that, why don’t you think how thankful that baby’s adoptive parents are that she was able to give them that gift. You could thank her for them or commend her for her courage and strength. And then watch the little miracle that will take place on her face.

This past week, Coley shared her story on LetsTalkAdoption.com. You can still hear it here.