Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.?? John Wilmot

 

Ty:? What in the cornation?

Doni:? I think you mean “tarnation”?

Ty:? It’s cornation.

Well it is royal wedding month so cornation it is.? Even us Americans fall under the influence (and Tori and I did have to watch portions of the wedding so we could see the princess in her dress together).

I was saying “WHAT IN THE CORNATION?” yesterday in response to the antics of little Miss.

Tanner and Ty and I were in my bedroom and we were all occupied with school and such.? At one point, we noticed that Tori had been quiet too long and that the bedroom door had been shut.?? The little menace had tried to lock us in.? In reality, she had only effectively locked herself out but I know how her crafty little mind works so I was instantly on alert.? When I opened the door there was a tall kitchen chair blocking my exit.?? Again, I knew just what she was thinking.? Instead of letting us know she couldn’t get back in, she drug a chair from the kitchen over because she was planning on standing on the chair to reach the lock pick thingy above the door frame.? She was several feet short of that goal but leave it to Tori to even imagine that would work.? When I found her, she was trying her best to sport an innocent look standing in front of a pile of destroyed flash cards and my scissors (which were in a child locked drawer by the way).

When I put her to bed last night I reminded her to stay put.? I am sick and tired of her modeling her clothes in the closet each evening and creating a huge mess for me to clean up.? Sure enough – she was disciplined when I caught her with a pile of shoes in her grocery cart in a semi-dark room.? Shoe shopping I suppose?? You all know that did NOT come from me.? 🙂

A little bit later, Jim and I were on the couch and I say “Do you smell something?”? Earlier in the day, Tanner had sprayed the bathroom spray and I think most of North Phoenix smelled like air freshner.? I warned them to spray for a 2 second count only.

Turns out I was right about the smell, wrong about the air freshner.? I found her in her closet, wearing a t-shirt, panties, and leg warmers (a necessity in Phoenix in May) washing her wall with a roll of paper towels and the Oxy Clean spray that she had gotten out of the laundry room.? I usually have all products on a shelf above the appliances but I had left this one on top of the dryer.??? GGGRRRRRRRRRR.? I was glad that the smell drifted down the hall to tattle on her.

She isn’t up yet and last night she insisted on wearing panties to bed (she isn’t even day trained yet – not because she can’t – because she won’t) so I am a little nervous to go wake her up.? Yesterday she was insisting on wearing panties so I can only hope that means the little diva has finally DECIDED she wants to wear big girl panties (AT LONG LAST).

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Daddy bought Tori (because he likes to do kid shopping) 12 lip glosses for her Easter basket this year.? She is rarely without one in her hands.? 🙂

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Last week the kids and I were out and about and I had to run a package into UPS.? When I came out, I told the kids that we were going to walk across the parking lot to eat lunch at Burger King and then we would come back and walk several stores down to Yogurtology for dessert.? Ty asked if we could start with dessert.? :)? I said no.? When I went to grab Tori’s hand to cross the parking lot, she threw her purse strap over her shoulder in a mature fashion and started power walking toward Yogurtology (which was quite a stretch away).? As she is walking, she yells back over her shoulder to us “You guys go to Burger King and just meet me!”

First we stared stunned.? Then we laughed.? As if.? Really?? She is one confident little chick-a-dee.? As my grandpa would have said “No need to tell that one “go” – you gotta tell her “whoa”.

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Tori has been driving us crazy with “Why?? Because why?? Why not?? How come?”.?? Once in awhile I tell her (if it is a practical question and not an attempt to avoid action on her part) but most of the time I pull the parent card and say “Because I said.”? Now I realize that many parents don’t like that phrase but I come from a large family that found a pecking order starting with mom and dad to be highly effective and if it ain’t broke – don’t fix it.?? I am totally okay with my authority and am doing my best to convince her of it hee hee.

After a long day of “because I said”, Jim and I found it comical when the following occurred:

We were outside and the kids were playing on their bikes and scooters.? When it was time to come in, Ty pipes up with “How come?”.?? Tori stares him down, huffs, and says “Because MAMA said Ty!”??? Jim and I just stared at each other.? She did not.??? Sometimes I can’t believe her nerve.? 🙂

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A couple of weeks ago Tori had her first dentist appointment.? She was really excited for her first teeth cleaning.? Her excitement extended until she watched Ty getting his teeth cleaned.? Inwardly I was groaning because I knew she was watching his facial expressions and getting nervous.? Ty does very well with teeth cleaning (because Ty is obedient) but he hates it.? Hates the taste and hates the feeling of it.? The whole time the poor kid was white knuckling the chair and grimacing like crazy.? Why oh why did I have Ty go before Tori?? Dumb parenting move.?? She then looks at me and says “I don’t think I will have my teeth cleaned.”? said in her best grown up voice.

Because she refused, I got in the chair with her and put her on my lap.? When the dentist came near her (a great pediatric dentist who is sweet with kids), she pointed in his face and said firmly ” Do not put that in my mouth.?? Do NOT put that in my mouth!”?? She knows better than to talk to an adult that way so I could tell she was very stressed.?? And yes, she threw a tantrum about it (which is not typical for Tori).? In retrospect, I think I was wrong choosing that battle but (like my daughter) I am goal driven and once we were committed in that chair, I wanted to see it through.? When it was finally finished, the dentist says “you did a good job Tori” (to which I am giving him a wide eyed stunned look for that statement).? Tori gathers herself together, sits straight up, looks him straight in the eye and says “Yep.? I did.”?? WWWHHHAAATTTTT?

When we left, she told me “I did a good job and I obeyed that guy.”??? I guess that was technically true.? She did obey but with great protest while she was doing it.?? I guess she figured that counted.

We had to go back to the dentist the next week (Tanner) and Tori told me that she liked having her teeth cleaned and wanted to do it again.? Oh really?? So I say “Would you like to do that again today?”?? She answers “I’ll do it tomorrow.”??? :)?? That’s what I thought.

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Tori:? Mommy when the baby comes, the baby will sleep in my crib and I will sleep with you.

She has this all figured out.

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I am a trusting person.? I trust you until you give me reason not to.? Jim does not trust you a bit.? You have to prove to him that you are trustworthy.? For this reason, my husband and I regularly go round and round at things I believe and he does not.? Because of this, I am growing more cynical because he has proven right way too many times.

The other night, three junior high kids came to the door.?? They were the “skater” sort.? Boards in hand and dyed black hair.??? The kid at the forefront tells me that his Aunt is dying of cancer and that they are fund raising for her.? He asks if I want to buy a large can of beef jerky for 12.00.? I like beef jerky and it wasn’t a bad price for what he was selling.? The plea for the dying Aunt melted my heart.? I didn’t have cash so I asked if I could write a check.? He told me what name to write it out to.? The kids and I enjoyed our snack (and even Ty liked it!).? When Jim got home…

Doni:? I might have gotten suckered today but I don’t really think so and I decided it was worth the risk.? (I explain)

Jim:? There was no dying Aunt.

Doni:? Yes I think there was.? They were really sincere and sweet and they said thank you to me over and over.? They meandered off normally and were very respectful.

Jim:? I am telling you – there was no dying Aunt.? Those kids were trying to raise a buck and probably stole that can out of the cabinet to sucker you with.

Doni:? Well one thing was odd actually.? When the kid asked me to write the check he told me to write it out to “Miles Johnson” and then I noticed the name “Miles” was printed on his bag.? I doubt a 12 year old could have a checking account so I wonder why he had me write it out to him?

Jim:? You better hope they aren’t planning on washing your check.

Doni:? Jim they were kids!? I DO think they had a dying Aunt anyhow.? They were really sincere.

Later that evening, the doorbell rings and Jim answers it.? With great delight he comes back laughing thrilled to get to tell me that the kid’s parents made them come back and apologize for lying to me.? They offered the money back but we didn’t take it because we already had eaten the beef jerky.? 🙂

Those little twirps.

Jim:? They said sorry that they did that to you and wanted you to know that they felt bad about it.

Doni:? I think they probably did feel bad.

Jim:? Doni!? They did NOT!

I need to bake a pie for those parents.? I, for sure, like them.