Most of this was written two weeks ago and I am just getting around to finishing it and posting it.

While driving in the car this week, I was thinking about the darling personality my little Tanner has. He is so interesting to me. In some ways we are very similar but in other way’s sooooo different.

We are like minded in the way we both like to control our environments. We are both very cautious and contemplative and we evaluate risk (usually giving it more weight than gain). Ty and Graham do not appreciate Tanner’s concern. He is constantly interferring in their fun and they want him to move on out of the way. Graham, not used to a cautious big brother (LOL), doesn’t “get” Tanner at all.

Example, Tanner spent the night with Noah recently and Tanner was giving Graham what for continuously (and he did not appreciate it). Why? Because Tanner watches small children like a hawk and if he thinks they are crossing caution boundaries, he is quick to provide guidance. Now some parents would not appreciate that and frankly, I get tired of listening to the little person who isn’t appreciating the guidance too. Leads to a noisy househould somedays HOWEVER…generally, Tanner is on the money and I don’t know what I would do without him.

Being raised as the eldest of five, we weren’t raise according to a fair system – we were raised by the pecking order. And it worked! My parents didn’t and don’t believe you can make all things fair so as kids we needed to learn to suck it up. The elder children had more “rights” and more “responsibilities”. Younger children needed to respect guidance of elder children (at least to some degree). The reason was my mother would have had a much more difficult time raising 4 boys if she didn’t have an assistent (me 🙂 ). I would have been of very little use had they not respected me so mom made sure that the boys respected my authority as an elder sibling.

As an adult I see the wisdom in that. If Tanner never gets any support for his caution, and Ty never respects it, than Tanner won’t be able to restrain future situations if I am not within sight and I am going to need him to (heck…I already DO need him to). Teaching Ty to listen to Tanner is quite an obstacle though (and 5 year olds don’t always practice fair and altruistic reasoning either). Quite the balancing act figuring this out.

But back to my story about Graham….

So Brooke hears this commotion by the chicken coop and Graham is ranting and raving and Tanner is all set and ready to tattle. What was the problem? Simple. Graham was headed into the duck pen and there is a small pond (like 3 feet wide by 6 inches deep maybe) in the duck pen. Tanner considered that body of water unsafe for a small child and refused to let him in the pen. Graham was furious because he often does go in the pen and didn’t think Tanner was being reasonable. Brooke didn’t know what to do with that. She was so surprised that Tanner was carefully observing surroundings and making parental decisions for Grahams safety. I of course was not surprised to hear this because that is my Tanner. That is what he does.

Sometimes Tanner’s caution goes a bit too far though. Here is a second example:

Tanner got stung by a wasp in our backyard. (Anyone know how to get the wasps away from our fruit trees? I can’t find their nest). I read that bounce fabric softeners have a million uses, one of which is keeping biting insects away because they hate the smell (hmmmm…wonder what would happen if I hung them on the trees?)

I told Tanner about this and we started putting a fabric softener in his pocket when he went outside to play. The problem? He doesn’t want to go outside without one. Further, half the time he doesn’t leave the bounce in his pocket. He actually puts it in his hand and carries it everywhere. My mom and I were giggling watching him push around his big John Deere tractor with a bounce sheet in his hand. I even got some video tape of that.

I don’t want Tanner to be fearful but I am thankful for the balance of having one very cautious child too (because I am going to need it – believe me)! Tanner is going to be the type of person who will carry the weight of the world on his shoulders I am afraid (just like his mom). Well…what can I say…that is just who we are. I hope I can help him to release his control and fears when they create anxiety and worry (and subsequently sin) but also affirm that thinking through actions and consequences is a GOOD thing and affirm him for that.

I am learning as a parent that God creates in such uniqueness and I need to learn to embrace all the strengths and weaknesses of my kids because it is a a part of their Master’s grand design for them. It’s a hard thing as a parent to mentor a child through situations of life when you are trying to embrace the personality they have and not eradicate it or make it your own (that isn’t effective anyhow). Hoping this will stretch my character in the process. I could really benefit by becoming a whole lot more like Tanner and Ty. (Of course I could then end up schizophrenic because these two are polar opposites 😉 )!

So I stared this posting with the “F Factor” title and still haven’t said a word about it. Let’s just go back to the beginning…so I was driving in the car thinking about Tanner’s adorable personality……..

when it occured to me that Tanner’s cautious personality evaulates all things against what I have coined the “F Factor”. Here is how this works. I am convinced that before Tanner makes a decision to do (or not do) something, the wheels of his brain are contemplating the following:

Is the idea Foolish? Are people going to laugh with me or at me?
Is the idea Faulty? Any possibility this won’t result in a positive outcome?
Am I going to Fail?
Will I get Frustrated?
Is the plan Flawed?
Will the outcome be Futile? Is it worth it?
Will it be Fun?
Will it be Fruitful – producing good outcomes?

Generally speaking – only the last two result in a “go ahead”. When I read back over the above I realize in my mind and heart that this F Factor equation applies to my life as well.

Now let’s look at these same questions applied to Ty.

Is the idea Foolish? Probably. So what.
Is the idea Faulty? Haven’t stopped to evaluate that. Might miss something if I think about it too long.
Am I going to Fail? Fail forward – that’s my motto
Will I get Frustrated? Yes but then plan B will come in.
Is the plan Flawed? How would I know? Again, no time to consider that. Is that really a question?
Will the outcome be Futile? Of course not. What’s a little risk?
Will it be Fun? Boy howdy YES.
Will it be Fruitful – producing good outcomes? Maybe yes maybe no but somehow it will likely still be fun. What’s the worst that’s going to happen? Easier to get forgiveness than permission – that’s what I always say.

Good golley – I have my hands full. I really do – kid you not. Ask my mother whose head is spinning everytime she watches the “little” one. We have all sat arounding contemplating if there has ever been a busier little person on the planet and each time our discussion ends, we land on the “Nope” spot.

Ty’s constant motion even makes Tanner a crazy person some days. Recently Ty brought me his diaper and his pajamas and it was about an hour before his bed time. I thought that was strange. He didn’t look tired though so I got him changed and then let him go back to playing. Tanner casually then say’s “Mommy – I fink Ty wanted to go to bed.” All the sudden the light bulb goes off.

“Tanner! Did you tell Ty to go get his jammies and his diaper?” I didn’t need to hear the answer. I saw it in the devilish grin that twinkled across his face.