This weekend was one of the best and worst of my life. Filled with tragedy and triumph. So much so that in the wake of it, my heart can only settle upon worship.

I had the privilege of being with two little children when they ran directly into Jesus arms. The paths they took were different but the end result was the same. They were welcomed into the family of God.

On Friday morning I was getting ready to go to a friends house. Her daughter had been born with a terminal syndrome just over a year ago and her final hour was approaching. In my mind I knew that I could witness Kambrie’s last moments on earth but your heart never really settles around the reality of that.

At 1:00 PM, little Kambrie went to Jesus. She was being held by her mama when she went home. I knew God had me witness that moment for His purposes and that He allowed me the blessing of being there. Your never closer to heaven then when the angels come and I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else….but….the grief of it….I don’t have words for that. My heart is so heavy for Kambrie’s mom and dad and her 3 year old brother.

While Kambrie was celebrating in heaven, her mom put on a worship CD and we sat in a room filled with the silence that comes from great grief and we worshipped Jesus through song with tears streaming. There are moments made for worship. Moments when worship has the most significant meaning. Where the phrase “offer a sacrifice of praise” takes on whole new meaning. This was one of them. The angels rejoiced over Kambrie and they also rejoiced over the outpouring of worship – it meant more to the Father than during any other time of life – I am convinced of that. To choose to say “We love you – we trust you – we will follow” during the darkest hours of life…..that is faith. I kept thinking of Hebrews 11 – they died in faith believing having not received the fulfillment of the promise. Kambrie’s parents worshipped even though they could not see yet behind the veil – they trusted Him, they trusted in His purpose. God looked upon their broken hearts and I know He was whispering “Well Done!” to them.

Please be in prayer for the Dunn family. I don’t believe there could be any greater pain than loosing a child and they need the body of Christ to carry them on our knees. I know there are plenty of you that can be counted on to do that…thank you for what I know you will do.

Jim and I had heavy hearts for our friends and mourned at home for them all throughout the weekend. Because the reality of death was so heavy on us, and because our hope is in Jesus, when Tanner starting asking questions at Bible time last night, my answers were different than they would have been on a night not so closely associated with grief.

Last night Jim and I sat with both boys on the couch and we were reading about King David caring for Jonathan’s son Mephibasheth. After the story Tanner says’s “Mommy I know where God lives”.

“Where?” I said.

“In heaven. But I don’t remember where Jesus lives.”

“He lives in heaven with God but remember mommy told you that Daddy and I are Christians so Jesus lives inside us too.” I said.

“And me too” Tanner said.

“Someday when you are a little older and can understand better we’ll talk about what it means to ask Jesus to come into your life. It’s a big and important decision.” I said.

Jim sitting beside me didn’t care for my answer. I think in the wake of Kambrie’s homegoing both our hearts were still sitting just outside heaven’s gate. Jim said “Doni I think Tanner is ready to make this decision. I think we should talk to him now – not later.” I then followed up by telling Jim that I wanted Tanner to really understand but then as I was talking realized that I was 5 when I accepted Jesus and it was very real and a permanent decision in my life (though it was followed by growth and spiritual maturity of course). So together we decided that the moment was at hand and we seized it.

I put Ty in bed and came back out to the front room so Jim and I could talk to Tanner alone. In great detail we talked about the cost and consequence of sin. God doesn’t allow sin in His presence and we all sin. We all disobey. Our destiny could not be heaven. We would not be allowed to live with God. Even one tiny little sin ruined it for us…from the very beginning we had no chance of achieving the perfection of God. God made a way for us though but it came at a very painful price to Him. I explained to Tanner that God’s plan was Jesus. The only man (God-man) who never sinned. He could choose to pay the price. He could let men hurt him and kill him so that he could pay the price for Tanner’s sin. Jesus loves Tanner so much that he said yes. Yes I will let mean men hurt me and kill me so that Tanner can come live forever with me. Jesus paid the price for Tanner’s sin. I then explained that it was up to Tanner to receive that gift. I asked him several questions including: Do you believe that Jesus died in your place? Do you think you need Jesus to forgive you for all the times you disobey Him? Do you want to chose to obey God for the rest of your life and be a follower of Jesus…a Christian? This decision is the most important decision you will ever make. You will need to honor it every day of your life – to love Jesus always. Tanner with a firm resolve answered with certainty. So we prayed together and Tanner gave his life to Jesus. Daddy had huge crocodile tears in his eyes and Tanner was grinning – radiating – from ear to ear. All through the rest of the night Tanner kept leaning his head on my shoulder and than flashing me the brightest smiles. There was a sense of excitement about Tanner and confidence. There was no hesitancy on his part. Did he completely understand? Only as much as a 5 year old could but as much as he could…he did.

On Friday, June 16th 2006…baby Kambrie, a healed beautiful baby girl, celebrated her forever home in the arms of Jesus. On Sunday, June 18th 2006…a little boy, my little boy…told Jesus that He too wanted to celebrate in His presence someday. Jesus welcomed them both.

My heart is full both with tears of loss and tears of gain.

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out Ill turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the suns shining down on me
When the worlds all as it should be
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Kambrie….looking forward to the day that we’ll hold you again. I asked God to introduce you to my 10 babies…rejoice little one’s together. It might be a lifetime of waiting for us but your family and our family will come to celebrate with you…and we know today that Tanner has been adopted by the King of Kings too. What a grand party is awaiting! Never been more homesick than now. Until then precious…..