Yesterday morning I talked to Jim and asked him what I had been doing differently lately to make myself so sick. My reflux/ulcer issues have been very flared for two to three weeks. Can you even believe that in our entire conversation not one of us mentioned or even contemplated stress? LOL! I just kept reviewing my diet and couldn’t figure it out. Last night I am laying in bed thinking about braces and G-tubes and my stomach started getting sick and my ulcer started hurting and this little grin crept across my face….IDIOT. That is always stage one for me (then comes headaches, jaw aching for TMJ and then loosing feeling in my face neck and back) 🙂 . Stage one is my reminder that once again “GOD IS IN CONTROL OF THE DRAMA OF MY LIFE”. I am really trying to learn to view anxiety as disobedience. Doni trying to take God’s plan and red mark the whole thing with my edits. Doesn’t go over well and is highly inefficient especially considering I am the one in need of a good education – not He.

Having said this….I do want to say one thing to those of you who commented, emailed, or called….I agree with you. This whole thing seems outrageous. The only way I can see the G-tube threat as a serious one is if (a) a swallow study shows a significant risk factor for significant lung damage and/or life threatening choking issues and or (b) a continuation of the kind of choking incidents we dealt with last week (which is not common and not feeding him popcycles and other foods he doesn’t handle well seems the obvious solution). I think a G-tube is about the worst idea in the world for Ty and I do NOT support the idea nor do I think it will be necessary. I just was in awe and amazement that the word even came up at all.

On the CP issue…..

I think most people have moderate to severe CP in mind when they visualize it. Ty doesn’t show any sign of severity at all. The only reason we are suspicious about it, is because he does present the most mild signs of it and it effects his gait. (I’ll post a video soon so you can get an idea). There is definitely something wrong but it isn’t necessarily CP. It could be delayed motor skill issues, dyspraxia issues, heel chord issues….. I am not too worried about this one either way. Whether it is or is not CP, the same issue exists and it doesn’t matter what we call it. CP is not a progressive disorder – it is what it is. If Ty has CP, it won’t get worse than it is right now though we may notice it a bit more as he is required more physical task. (That’s why we see the gap widening now…the older he gets the more he is expected to do and the more obvious his minor struggles are…but again they ARE very mild).

Didn’t want anyone to get too worried over last nights post. I don’t take the first issue very seriously right now and I am not overly concerned about the second – it’s very manageable and very mild. I won’t be surprised though if the Ortho does want to brace but that won’t be too terrible if that happens (I hope!).

Sometimes you need a brand new morning to gain perspective don’t you? That and I am refusing to make myself sick worrying over things I can’t control. I have been robbed of one too many nights sleep lately and it’s all my own doing. I teach my kids to be accountable and my ulcers are a physical reflection of an inner issue that needs to be dealt with. Dr. Laura used to say “If you can’t be a good example you’ll have to be a horrible warning.” I hate for that statement to apply to me but if I am teaching you to be consumed with worry than I should wear that slogan on a T-shirt with an arrow at myself.

This isn’t about me beating myself up. It’s me being practical and honest. This has to quit. God will do what God does. Make all things right….eventually 🙂 .