(Troy and Grandma)
All shots above taken on September 13th – Troy was almost 1 month corrected and 2.5 months actual.
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I have had this website for over 10 years now and I don’t plan on abandoning it because I love the many records I have kept of my children via blogging.?? Sometimes though, I really hate the fact that it creates a one sided conversation and often may come across with a lack of authenticity in regards to the woman I am.
I’ll give a couple of examples that will illustrate my frustrations.???? A few weeks ago, I ran into a friend in the grocery store.?? We had not had the opportunity to chat for quite some time.?? She referenced so many current events in my life (because she reads my blog) yet I knew very little about hers.?????? I felt embarrassed to tell you the truth.???? Made me wish for more real and authentic chat time with my girlfriends.?? Made me resent a culture where we rarely get visit time face to face and then cultivate relationships the best we can through electronic media.?? I should be grateful for what we have (and to degrees I am) but I also suspect we have lost something pretty important too.?? I am the last person to know how to fix this in my own life either because raising my children and keeping up my home is about all I am capable of most days so “living in community” is not something that comes easily for me.
The example of the second frustration is as follows:
A friend calls me and amidst the details of the conversation she lets me know that she keeps up with me via this blog and then commented on how I “have it all together”.
WWWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?
I wanted to cry in that moment.?? I felt like a fake.
The truth is, there are many reasons why I choose to avoid too much lamenting on my blog.?? In the first place, these are records for my children so I want to be wise about how I journal something so public.?? In the second place,?? I know that I knee jerk when reading too much of the “whinies” when reading other blogs or facebook so I try to avoid it myself.
I love my husband.?? I love my children.?? I love homeschooling.?? I love being a mom.?? I am happy with my life.?? I am happy period.
HOWEVER…there are still a lot of hard days in between.
I am almost always depressed in September.?? October is my favorite month of the year but I am starting to wonder if that is in part due to a celebration of surviving September.?? That first month back to school is a doozy for me every year.?? This year especially because the demands of the kids are greater.
I am also really struggling with trying to figure out how to parent a child with disabilities.?? It is lonely.?? I am frustrated.?? I have no idea what I am doing half the time.?? I cry a lot.?? A whole lot because I don’t know how to “fix” any of it and I don’t know how to really help and I worry about the future and I argue with my husband about what works and what doesn’t and I wonder if any other mom is going through the scenario that I am and what she is doing and how much further down the road she is and I wonder if I am going to do more damage than good in the long run.?? (And yes I know that was a terrible run on sentence).
I read a book last week called The Oak Leaves by Maureen Lang (you might still find it for free on your Nook and Kindle – it was free last week).?? It is a fictional story about a family whose child is diagnosed with Fragile X.?? The author’s son has Fragile X and I heard so much of her heart in this fictional story.?? There were several areas I highlighted in her book that inspired and challenged me.
I had the opportunity to go to Women of Faith on Saturday only (thank you Kelly for that ticket!) and that was such a blessing.?????? You can’t even imagine how excited I was to be within 15 feet of Amy Grant.?? First time in my life I have ever felt honest to goodness star struck!?? I have loved her all my life.?? That was awesome all by itself.???? I also enjoyed the speakers this year.?? I didn’t get to hear Brenda Warner (Kurt Warner’s) wife but I did just buy her book.?? I know she is a mama to a kiddo with disabilities and she is a “be brave and wear combat boots” kind of person so I thought maybe her book could inspire me.?? I don’t feel brave right now.
Lisa Welchel talked about friendship (which increased my guilt where this blog is concerned by the way).?? One thing she said that stood out to me was that if you find another woman who as it all together, RUN!?? She said that if another woman has to work that hard to live up to a standard of perfection, she will hold that same model over your head.?? Boy is that true and I KNOW I have BEEN THAT WOMAN and God help me I don’t want to be her ever again.?? That is why I crashed a bit when a friend thought I had it all together.?? I wanted to tell her, if that is true then run from me.?? Run right now.
I could write for quite some time today on these subjects and more but the fact is…I don’t have enough quiet time in this day to concentrate long enough.?? My window has already expired.?? If this post sounds like I am down in the dumps, sorry!?? I am not.?? Just being contemplative and honest and felt the need to say “I do NOT have it all together.”?? I don’t even know what on earth that would mean.
10 responses to “The Things I Hate About Blogging”
I love this post and I love your honesty. Thanks for sharing.
I love the pictures! I have yet to meet a person who has it all together. I mean, is there really such a thing? You just do the best you can with what you have at the moment.
Ah the true meaning of bloging come out of you Doni! I know you know nothing about me as I have been following you since Ty was born but I don’t keep a blog and comment only once in a while! My son has had school troubles since Kinder, he is 11 now and in the 6th grade. When he started K I cried all year long! I didn’t know what to do with this child who would walk out of my house into the school and become a totally different kid. Shay has different disabilites than yours at least I think but it was hard! He destroyed the classroom. He would hit kick and BITE the teacher, run and hide in the school! Like I said I cried everyday i had to go pick him up early. Still the school did great and helped us told me not to give up to push through. He was dignosised with ADHD combined type. He stuggles today still with it but its without meds! This last weekend I cried again only they were not tears of what should I do now it was we did it! He is getting it! He brough home his first quarter report card with one B and all A’s!!!! He still has a long road ahead of him but boy he is trying the best he can! I KNOW that with all your hard work he will be okay! You may not see it much now and it hurts to see him hurting so much more than the others but it will in the end workout! You are not alone! I felt it too ALL the time but I really had to start thinking there is no way my child is that special and the only one that has these issues! Keep up the good work! A bath every once in a while also helps 🙂 A little you time which I am sure if few and far between! Mine only comes when I get up 30 mins before everyone else! 🙂
Okay, we all know that I LOVE the football hat. I mean….I STINKIN’ LOVE IT! LOL It is absolutely adorable!!!!!!!
None of us have IT together. Sometimes it just appears that way.
“Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think of such things.” Phil 4.8
YES Heather said it so right! Those who you think have IT together are probably the ones that need the most help and a hug that day too 🙂
Can you imagine, what a boring life we would lead if we had it all together?? I am not saying that it would not be nice to wave a magic wand every now and than, but seriously what would be the point to growing and learning? Adjusting and accepting? Pushing through and holding back?
Doni…if you ever meet someone who has it all together, please send them my way, I would love to know their tricks and have a chance at that magic ticket.
Sweet pics as always!!
Doni – LOVE your photos, love your heart, love your words.
I hear you about the struggle to raise a child with disabilities… I’ve got three children on the spectrum. I wanted to share a link to a website “Chosen families”. I get a daily devotion from them via email and look forward to it each day.
http://chosenfamilies.org/
Blessings to you, Kari
I love your heart too! Never imagined that you had it all together, but love that you share things that will encourage those around you instead of dumping! I have quit following many a blog because of the dumping or specifically my pet peeve, when someone disrespects their hubby on their blog. I just can’t take that at all.
What you said about someone knowing more about you than you them…I kinda felt that way about my own mom. She lives 4 hours away and as I faithfully updated my blog for her, she faithfully didn’t have back and forth conversations on the phone with me. She would never ask me about the kids or what I was doing because she already knew. Literally she would have an hour long phone call with me and not once ask me about me or the kids. She did all the talking…barf! Not that everyone follows my blog, but I noticed that last spring and this summer when I got too busy to keep it up that the side effect 3 months later was that she started asking me about me again and some about the kids. Not perfect yet, but I noticed a significant difference in her. Weird for sure. I intend to get back to blogging more faithfully once I am, but sadly not in a hurry with school starting up again and I am a photo editing queen these days. Raising money for adoption has never gone so well. I am shocked that offering to take pictures has wracked up over 30 photo shoots since the offer. Crazy, but totally good!
Enough about me, how are you? LOL!
Thanks for sharing!!
When I get out of the hospital we need to get together and do some real talking. I haven’t had any Doni time in well over a year. Let me know when you are taking visitors. PS. Troy is just so handsome and I still cannot wait to meet him.
oh sister, i don’t know what it means either! and if it means perfection, i’ll happily stay ignorant! i just can’t do it and i can’t even handle thinking about it! the older i get the less i know… and there is a part of me that is quite content with that. so much less pressure when you can just admit “i.don’t.know!” then again, i wonder if and when i’ll ever really feel grown up… when i’ll feel like i’ve finally gained wisdom… when i’ll feel like i’ve really settled into who i am and what my life is all about and how to live… but perhaps that would only mean i “had it all together” and was way of the track of living genuinely… what a balance. i think more and more how thankful i will be for heaven. 🙂