Nearly three years ago I sat in a NICU terrified of the words I heard today. I worried and worried about what those words, if said would mean.

Time has a way of healing things, changing things, bringining new perspectives though. When I heard the words I once feared, not only was I not heartbroken by them, I was actually quite thankful.

The official diagnosis is in from Ty’s orthopedic Dr. Ty does have Cerebral Palsy.

I already knew this. I have known it for over a year. My mother knew this. My mother in law knew this. Ty’s feet are resistant and display signs of “clonis” and a tiny bit of spasticity. His hands clench into a fist often when not in use. The degree of these issues is VERY VERY VERY mild. A mother notices though.

For me, I was relieved to hear the confirmation of this. When I see very clearly that Ty has balance issues, depth perception issues, gross motor and fine motor issues…I don’t want a specialist to tell me “nothing is wrong”. I would rather them just confirm what I have already figured out on my own.

What does this mean? Absolutely nothing:)! The Dr. today said that CP is pretty much a garbage term. It has such a wide spectrum and Ty’s case is a very mild one. He said that the scarring on Ty’s brain from his hemorrages (the PVL issue) nearly guarantees some degree of CP because it generally scars the parts of the brain that control motor function. The AMAZING thing is how MILD of a case Ty has under the circumstances. The Dr. couldn’t get over it in fact.

CP is not a progressive disability. It is what it is. That is great news for Ty because it will not get any worse. As the Dr. said today, obviously Ty is already managing just fine with it at 2 and a half and he will continue to do so. Yes it will contribute to his balance and coordination. Yes it is likely the root cause for all his motor delays both past and present BUT Ty manuevers past it and finds a way. Wouldn’t suprise me that much if he does play sports someday and amaze us all with his ability to overcome.

I told the Dr. that while it may seem strange for a parent to “want the official diagnosis”, in this case, I am not afraid of the title because I know Ty won’t live under it and the diagnosis will help me get him extra help as he needs it. Believe me, it is easier to put an official name to a disability when you are trying to get assistance and therapy.

The Dr. didn’t feel braces were in order at this point and he suggested keeping Ty in physical therapy. He wants to see him every year to follow his progress but he thinks Ty is managing miraculously well.

There was one thing that broke my heart though. The Dr. kept asking me several times, “He was born at only 25 weeks? Really? Only 25 weeks? He was born at 25 weeks???”

Finally I said “Yes and not only that but because of his bilateral IV hemorages and his PVL diagnosis, he only had a 20% chance of even surviving the NICU, much less escaping with this minimal level of CP.”

The Dr.s words brought tears to my eyes.

“I know. I had a 24 weeker die…..personally.”

When I left his office I was overwhelmed. On the day I expected to leave with great sadness nearly 3 years ago, I walked out rejoicing.

Hearing the words “Cerebal Palsy” today was not a tragic sentence upon my child. It was a reminder of what we have been given. How much we have been blessed. I didn’t walk out thinking “Ty has CP”. I left thinking “Ty lived”.

Thank you thank you thank Jesus. My heart is full and overflowing.