Since I am picking on Daniel tonight….why stop now? LOL.
I am milking the “dog training” incidents for all their worth and Daniel is going to get downright sick of me for this. I am making fun and there is just no way around admitting that short of lying. I just can’t help it. Every time I think about these conversations I start a fit of giggles. Sorry Daniel…this just has to be done. It is doubtful he will actually read this post himself anyhow so I plunge confidently ahead;).
Some of this may be a review because I believe I posted some of this while trying to convince you to adopt a puppy.
Before Noah was born, Babe had a litter of puppies that included a darling little black puppy that Daniel and Brooke could not resist. They named her “Bird”. Did you see “The Kid”? Remember the world’s best dog? Bird was Daniel’s best dog. (I am speaking in past tense because Bird was ultimately hit by a car…that was truly tragic…she was an awesome dog).
Daniel put a lot of time into training Bird and she was the most obedient pet you’ve ever seen. Daniel trained her to “hold” so well he could walk away for an hour if he wanted to and she would not move until he released her. In time, Daniel arrived at the conclusion that dog training and child rearing are really quite similar. When Tanner was a baby, Daniel told Brooke and I that when he had his first child, due to his dog experience, he was confident he could train a four month baby to stay on a blanket without rolling off it. LOL!!!!! I have reminded him of this countless times. Mean of me I know. Good luck getting a big sister to let go of something THIS good. I try to quit bringing it up but I am failing miserably. Thank you my precious little Noah for continually affirming what Auntie tried to tell your daddy.
Daniel now has a new dog. He spent big money on this one. He named it Fetch. Ironic because I am quite confident he won’t. He won’t do much. Irregardless of what Daniel commands, he ignores. Daniel is convinced he adopted a mentally challenged dog or a true deviant. This dog does countless things to anger Daniel. He cries and cries when it rains. He ate the bark off all the new tree’s. He has destroyed countless items. And, like my brother, he loves shoes! Recently it rained and the neighborhood was quite muddy. During the night Fetch escaped out of the side yard. The next morning Daniel had a yard full of shoes. The best part of the story is that the shoes did not belong to Daniel and Brooke. Apparently, several of the neighbors left their muddy shoes on their front porches and Fetch simply went about collecting them. LOL! What would you do? I, personally, having the guilt complex that I do, probably would have been compelled to post a sign in my front yard (that the home owners association would have of course fined me for arrrrghh) that read “My dog is a thief. Missing any shoes?”
Daniel was not about to face that humiliation and the shoes were delivered to the valley dump. If I just let the cat out of the bag on that one, I am terribly sorry for your loss:). Hopefully no one in Daniel’s neighborhood will ever ever see this:).
One day in December, Daniel and I were both at my mom’s. We were leaving at the same time and I was backing my Excursion out of the driveway. Daniel was getting into his truck behind me and had to stop to call Fetch (who had not followed). I was waiting patiently as I could not back up until Daniel moved.
Daniel hollered for Fetch to get in the truck. Fetch stared blindly. He hollered again. Fetch continued his glazed over stare. Sissy begins to giggle. Daniel notices. Daniel starts grumbling under his breath and heads towards Fetch with a “I am NOT kidding” look about him. The glare would have convinced me. It did not convince Fetch. By the time Daniel got to Fetch and grabbed his collar, Fetch decided to take his stubborness up a notch. The silly little monster planted all four feet firmly in the dirt and refused to move. Daniel began dragging him across the driveway grumbling all the way.
Folks! I was in hysterics. All our conversations about how one trains a dog came gushing forth. I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face and my head fell onto my steering wheel. My giggle fit is starting anew just writing about it. As Daniel and his obstinate dog passed by my window, I had only one thing to say:
“Daniel, that is your neighbor’s dog….right?”
LOL!!!!!!!!!
Daniel – don’t hate me for this. I am going to get over it soon. I know it. I can feel the guilt rising. Guilt bubbling up in my very soul that I am publically teasing you at your very own expense. The only thing slightly funnier than this though is when my Noah firmly plants his feet. He may give Fetch a run for his money! LOL! And yes folks, I know, I better just shut up right now because this is all going to come back to haunt me when I am having to drag one of my own stubborn little munchkins. All the more reason to tease now while I still can!!!! I see my day looming on the horizon.
6 responses to “The Neighbors Dog”
I really hope Daniel DOES read this. We have a dog just like his… a “yellow” (actually white) lab named Bella. She is SOOO sweet. When we lost Sebastian’s sister a couple Christmas’ ago we got Bella as we knew we wouldn’t have time to train a dog like we did with Sebastian and Abishai (as I was due with Seth within a few months of getting Bella). We need the great “all-american-child-friendly” type dog, so we chose a lab. And in that regard – she is PERFECT! She sits quietly like a statue as Seth pulls her ears, bounces up and down on her, pulls her lips open and plays with her teeth, makes her talk on the phone, chases her and pulls her tail. (All the while Sebastian is trying to hide! ha ha!) Anyway, as GREAT as she is with Seth, she will not obey (unless there is really great food involved usually). She likes to run off when she gets outside of the yard and refuses to get off my bed when caught napping on it. We used to invite them to lie on the bed but I’ve gradually been weaning the family from this habit as I now have a nice comforter. 🙂 I need some “sacred” space you know? Well, I remembered words of a particular man on tv (whose advice I don’t always agree with but in this case I thought it was clever). He says that when teaching children obedience to find out what that child’s “currency” is. I thought, I wonder if this works for dogs. Treats… yes, that sometimes works. Treats & praise REPEATEDLY for good behaviour then eventually your dog will give the same good response (like coming when called, getting off the bed when asked, etc.) WITHOUT the treat. Not in my house. Bella has defied the odds on that one and it sounds like Fetch has too. 🙂 I thought I could win this battle for the longest time with bribes, discipline & more… not so. Well, anyway, I wondered and wondered and finally remembered her currency! SHE IS SCARED OF THE BABY GATE! We keep one baby gate in the hallway at night (or the dogs try to get in bed with all of us) and we don’t REALLY hook it up – just lean it on a laundry basket or bathroom doorpost or something. It has fallen before when Bella tried to scoot past it and thus Bella’s fear (even though it didn’t ever hurt her – just loud I guess). SO! (I can tell a story as long as Doni when challenged! hee hee) This week I found Bella secretly napping on my bed, on my clean, pretty, comforter once again. I simply carried the baby gate into the room and began to slowly lay it on the bed from behind her and she took off! 🙂 Hee hee… Now THAT is creative parenting. Jas says I’m getting her response based on fear but at the moment I’m ok with that. I’m not hurting her and she’s not especially freaked out but she does leave quicly. I’ve left it leaning against the end of the bed through out the week and when I do I don’t find her in my bed napping. So, Daniel, what IS Fetch’s currency I wonder?
Dear Darling Sister,
Sad. What else can I say. Perhaps becuase you have never had a “special needs” dog you would not understand what Brooke and I are going through right now. Perhaps a bit of background may help. When we chose Fetch we were looking for something very particular. A dog. As soon as we saw Fetch we knew immediatly that he or she was in fact, a dog. It all seemed so perfect! Not only was this a canine but it was also of the breed that had the innate ability to fetch. Thus, the name Fetch.
We brought this beautiful lab home and no sooner did we find out that our dog was different than the others. This dog would not eat, not sleep. In fact, we suspected it of being quite ill. So, in addition to the 350 we origionally spent the day before, we decided to go all the way for this one and double that investment with the veterinarian. It was found out that our beloved dog had parasites and, as much as it hurt to hear from the doctor, was quite possibly the most uniquely stupid dog of its kind. The doctor suggested that we give daily doses of saline through an I.V., antibiotics, and wormers, which I did myself. But additionally, we needed to read to the dog as much as possible and start with small commands like “open your eyes” and “breathe”. Some of his other suggestions were to praise him for “going potty” in the house and destroying property as it may very well be the most significant accomplishments he will ever make. It has been a long road for us and our grossly stupid dog, but through the work of canine therapists and shock collar therapy we have come to really appreciate how Fetch can tie my hose into a million knots that have all been studied by local boyscout troops for possible accredidation tasks for the Eagle Scouts to replicate. Our eyes were filled with hope when we woke up to see our trees uprooted and the bark systematicly stripped from the trees. Noah was especially greatful that our special needs dog was able to completely destroy all the pertinent and working parts to his tricycle. Yes, Doni, you may make fun but it is only because you have not seen where we have come from. When you saw Fetch resolutely refuse to obey any of my commands, it was then that I knew that I was really succeeding. You see, for a stupid dog one of the biggest successes is simply survival and as you backed your Excursion out of the driveway, the same driveway where dad ran over Riley and Byrd limped back to after retrieving a Ford vehicle much like yours, it was then that Fetch’s training was really seen. It was not that he could not or would not obey, it was that he has grown to understand from all of this therapy that if anyone would be run over at this point it would certainly be him. I have spent soo much time explaining to him things such as…”You’re the stupidest dog on the face of the Earth”, or “Nobody likes you”, and “I can’t stand you”, “Shut up idiot!” and ideologies like that so that he may just finally understand and has really internalized his own identity as a moron. He wasn’t disobeying, he simply knew that for his own survival, he was too dumb to move towards your car.
On the up side, he has learned also to sleep in his kennel at night so he has stopped taking Noah’s toys in his teeth and throwing them against our bedroom window all night. (The other day he ran past me in the backyard with a bucket in his mouth and threw it in the air as he passed me, it caught me right in the corner of the eye! I am so excited about his fine motor development!) And his social and communicative development are really coming along as well. In fact, one of Fetch’s new friends,our neighbor, called us last night to let us know that Fetch was howling in the backyard and would like to be played with. Something he has recently taken to doing every time he sees us through the arcadia door. I get warm feelings just thinking about it! In conclusion Sister, my darling doubter, Fetch’s development and training are coming along alarmingly well and we couldn’t be more pleased with his development. I can only hope that someday you can lay your laughter aside to see the seriousness of all things involved when you have undertaken the responsibility of raising the dumbest and most dastardly dog on the face of this planet. Love, Daniel
Stomach crunches without the effort. Read the Neigbours dog. I was in so much hysterics my stomach hurts. It’s like I’ve done a set of 100 stomach crunches. Thanks for the free exercise LOL
and more happy days!
My students are sitting quietly in their desks working and I am laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor. Daniel should consider a career in Journalism…or maybe late night TV.
OH BROTHER! I JUST ADORE YOU! YOU ARE AS NUTTY AS I RECALL (perhaps more!)… I didn’t realize you had a lab. I think our labs are distant relatives. The difference? We give Bella praise and adoration anyway… perhaps that makes us, the parents, a little… well, you know. 🙂 Ha ha! She did FINALLY learn to catch a frisbee after watching Sebastian catch them all day long. She would chase and run and never get a thing for weeks and weeks. Then one day she started catching them! Amazing! This took LOTS of patience and daily discipline on the part of my husband but Bella is fast as the wind catching his long throws now. There is a CATCH to this catch. She will not bring it back! HA HA! Well, not all the way back. She will run like the wind right back at us and drop it about 10 feet or so away… then run up to us all excited to go again. Fortunately we have Sebastian. He gets her frisbee every time. In fact, he’s so smart he’s learned to run back to dad, return his frisbee, and before Bella can get close he runs and grabs hers out of her mouth returning to us before she does. In my opinion, the solution for “special” dogs is a really smart companion and lots of toddler play time (to wear them out).
Your writing is something else. I’m so impressed. I hope you and Fetch find a happy medium sometime.
Your sis,
Heidi Jo