Ty is the best little person at filling love tanks that I have ever known.?? He tells me he loves me and likes me no less than 20 times a day.?? (I am not exaggerating that – he really does).?? One may think that he is being manipulative and he says that because he wants something but usually he just affirms everyone out of the blue with no agenda.?? He doesn’t even require a comment back.?? He says what he has to say and goes on his merry way.??
Throughout the day I hear:
“You are so amazing.?? You are.”
“You are beautiful”
“I love you so much”
“I like you mommy!?? I do!”
Yesterday he climbed up on the couch and whispered in my ear “Excuse me mommy.?? You are lovely”.??
And my favorite was last weeks line.?? He greeted me at breakfast with “Mommy you look beautiful AND refreshed.”!?? Refreshed??? REFRESHED??? Where in the world??? I think he is getting this ever expanding vocabulary from the Upside Down show but the impressive thing is that he applies what he learns pretty accurately.?? Ty is good about affirming Jim and Tanner too.?? I think this makes both of them a tad uncomfortable since??the love??language of affirmation??is quite foreign to those two but I think it is wonderfully good for them.?? :)??
I heard him tell Papa this week “I love you soooo much”.?? Papa’s face spoke volumes hearing that.?? Everyone needs a Ty in their life.
I could have really kicked myself for how I handled a conversation with Ty this past weekend though.?? Both my boys are just getting more and more tender all the time.?? Maybe it is the increase in estrogen in our home??? LOL!?? I had asked Ty if he wanted to go to Panda with me (ssshhhhh…don’t tell Karsyn..:) ).?? He said he wanted to go.?? Later he changed his mind.?? When he told me he decided not to go, being silly, I gave him a pouty disappointed expression.?? He instantly changed his tune to “I do! I do!?? Will that make you happy mommy?”.?? I said “Yes” and off we went.
Later though I wished I would have said “Sweetie you may come with me or stay here – either way YOU make me happy”.?? I HATE emotional manipulation.?? Just HATE it.?? I have a very adverse reaction to people who pull “feelings” cards on me in an effort to control my actions to their benefit.?? Makes me so mad.?? I often find that when someone starts talking about how someone else made them “feel” – it is very often a case of hypersensitivity, super self focus and flat out narcissistic behavior.?? Of course, sometimes, when someone is hurt there really is valid reason and confronting the offender is appropriate but I would challenge those ready to confront, to first do a self examination and question your motives.?? Are you hurt because you are being overly self focused and self centered and/or trying to control the actions of??another person OR was the person truly out of line and you are seeking resolution and restoration??? Sometimes its tough to examine our own motives I think.???? I know that a good percentage of the time when I am tempted to confront someone about what they said/did to hurt/offend me, I end up having to swallow my words and my pride realizing that the real problem is me spending too much time thinking about “me me me”.?? Feeling this way, I get irate at myself when I catch ME doing it.?? This episode with Ty was a good example.?? To be honest, I was playing with him and I didn’t expect it to work.?? I thought he would be fine with my pout and say “see ya mommy”.?? I was surprised when he turned tide so quick and asked me what would make me happy.???? Then there is also the proper balance of “pleasing” behavior to contend with.?? On the one hand I want my kids to be pleasers in the sense that I want them to want to do what is right before the Lord and Jim and I.?? BUT I want them to be rightly motivated to.?? I think it is a good thing when they want to obey me because they love me.?? I hope that is why I obey God.?? Out of love.?? But I don’t want them to feel like they need to please everybody – that leads to all kinds of trouble.?? Especially if they feel the need to please those least deserving of being pleased (peer pressure).?? This one needs more mommy thought time but I did learn a lesson through this.?? My sons are trying hard to please mama and I need to treat that like the gift it is and never abuse it.?? I need to be careful about applauding their efforts when it is a matter of obedience, but??always avoid emotional tactics to sway their position.?? ?? My little Ty needs to know that he is loved…period…he is loved…even if he opts out of accompanying me to Panda.?? 🙂
7 responses to “Love Tanks”
Let me paraphrase to see if I ‘get’ this…. Sounds like Ty is more sensitive to this than you thought. I think there is room for cute fun behaviors between mothers and kiddos (like your pout) 🙂 but when you saw there was a genuine sensitivity to it by Ty, you realized you could take it too far with that boy and you are now committed NOT to do that to him. Had it been all play and fun and he GOT that, it might be different – right? I know grown ups who STILL try to use this behavior on their GROWN UP children and then get mad when they don’t respond. SO glad you WILL NOT be one of them. I hope I will follow YOUR pattern on this one. 🙂
ps – LOVE this picture!
Right Heidi. If Ty would have know I was joking with him and could take it that way it would have been different but when I realized he changed his tune because he was afraid of hurting my feelings, I realized that he had just given me a lot of “control power” and I want to be careful to never abuse that.
I really get this post, Doni. I too have to watch myself around Luke. We play around about feelings a lot because of the twins and trying to teach them the different feelings, but Luke loves for me to be happy and tries to make sure I am happy throughout the day. I really need to make sure I don’t use this to my advantage even though I know I do sometimes. Thank you for this post.
Luke and Ty sound a lot like with the daily affirmations. I sometimes lose track of how many times Luke says he loves me. I could just see Luke and Ty spending all day together just saying how much they love everything and everyone.
seth is really great about mommy affirmations too – NATURALLY..actually with daddy too really… i LOVE that because i (AS YOU KNOW) 🙂 love the affirmation myself… how GRACIOUS of God to give my son a personality that would find it easy to pour out love in that way. 🙂 i’m so glad that at least ONE of your boys comes by this naturally too doni! 🙂 he is a good little teacher for the bigger boys – ha ha!!! 🙂 it will be fun to watch and see which side tori leans more towards on this one. 🙂
sarah – i’m SO glad your lukeypants is a little loving affirmer too. that seems a gift of grace for you as well. 🙂
Gosh I can only wish i had that in my boys. I get the I love you at sleep time and that is about it. I tell them I love them all the time and give hugs and kisses and sometimes I get an I love you back. Those kids are specail and will make some wonderful men! As for feelings…lol I get a oh I am sorry mommy and a hug, but not much more. These boys do not change their minds. When they are stuck on something they are stuck…lol
Jere, that is what most boys do – just like yours. Ty is just exceptional in this area. He has his very happy go lucky heart that overflows with love and he communicates it! Most boys don’t communicate their feelings. Ty’s “emotional” part is just as natural as breathing to him, it just slips out! When Jenna was over last week, she told me that Ty told her everyday that he loved or liked her!!! He just is so excited about life that it bubbles out! Everyone needs a “sunshine” in their homes, and he is it! If you don’t have one in your home, then you start “being” it – maybe it will catch on!!!!! (But it has to be genuine, kids can spot a mile a way if we are not sincere!) I love, love, love watching all the little individuals God has given us. In our family we have a diverse group, but each one has their “thing” they offer, that thing that no one else has, that makes them uniquely them. I love it. God is so awesome and creative!!! Watch for that something special in each of our kids and then lets tell them!!! Doni, love these pictures of the boys, very precious. I’m waiting for Tori’s pic from her room though!!!!!